


Strong in the real way

by HydrangeaPartridge



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dinosaurs, Blood and Gore, Dinosaurs, Jurassic Park AU, Jurassic World AU, M/M, Minor Character Death, Survival
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-07 05:14:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4250721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HydrangeaPartridge/pseuds/HydrangeaPartridge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As far as I remember, I've always been fascinated by dinosaurs. To know that there were giant reptiles, ten times our size who walked the same earth we're living on and ruled over it before facing complete extinction millions of years ago seems unbelievable. As a kid,  I read every book I could put my hand on about those giants, even ones that were probably too advanced for my reading level. </p>
<p>I'm Jean Kirschtein, Jurassic World genetic and molecular engineer.<br/>You gotta admit it sounds awesome.</p>
<p>
  <em> Jurassic World/Park AU where Jean is a scientist and Marco a raptor trainer, and together they have to face the menace of a new hybrid specie...</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Begin again

**Author's Note:**

> I was dying to make a Jurassic world AU for JM week so here it is!
> 
> It was supposed to be a one shot but I like it so much that i wrote too much and now I have to make several chapters.
> 
> I'll try to make every chapter fit the prompts of JM week 2015 but the updates will probably be very random because I have other fics to work on and also other things to do... 
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy the dinosaurs, the jeanmarco, and the too many feels and scientific facts :)

As far as I remember, I've always been fascinated by dinosaurs. To know that there were giant reptiles, ten times our size who walked the same earth we're living on and ruled over it before facing complete extinction millions of years ago seems unbelievable, almost like something out of one of those sci-fi books I love so much. But we have proof that dinosaurs really existed and that's at the same time scary and wonderful. 

As a kid, I read every book I could put my hand on about those giants, even ones that were probably too advanced for my reading level. Of course I wanted to become a palaeontologist, but as I grew up, I forgot about digging up fossils and instead got a degree in genetic and molecular biology. How could I not? Aside from dinosaurs, I was always fascinated by technology and DNA splicing (told you I loved sci-fi). I specialised in zoology and as a hobby, I also took part in some weird cryptology researches; you know, the kind where you try to find out if Big Foot or Nessy really exist. 

But I never stopped reading about and getting updated on dinosaur researches and that's how I learned about the Jurassic World project. I knew about the old Jurassic Park; how it tragically ended without even having the chance to open the gates to the public, and I was aware of how dangerous such a project could be. But I still HAD to work there.  
So with all my fancy diploma certificates in hand, I applied for a molecular engineer post … And I got it.

Jean Kirschtein, Jurassic World genetic and molecular engineer.

You gotta admit it sounds awesome.

I've been working at Jurassic World for 5 years now and let me tell you I love my job. 

Except the tiny part of it I'm hating right now.

“Welcome to Jurassic World” 

I try to crack up a smile to the group of sales representatives from various of our stupid big ass firm sponsors. I'm not good with the whole communication thing and right now I'd rather be toying with DNA strands than be used as a guide for those money obsessed ignorants. But it's part of the job, and since I've been working here the longest, when people need a tour, it's always my ass. 

Joy.

Don't get me wrong, I love talking about what I do, and I could explain how the lab works for hours, that's how passionate I am with my job. But that's not what the expansive suits and serious chignons following me want to hear about. I don't try to chat with them as I swiftly lead them through the white corridors of the lab, not even bothering to try and straighten my usual hunched posture. I'm a scientist, not an adman. 

“So what will this new dinosaur look like?” A black-haired lady with too much lipstick asks me.

I still shoot her a proud grin. I may not be very good at small talk, but dinosaur talk, that I can do.  
I go to my desk and turn on the super cool blue holographic projector (even though I'm used to it now, I still LOVE to use that gadget) to answer them.  
Their eyebrows don't even rise up one millimetre when the small dinosaur hologram with a large, bony dome atop its skull appears. So much to try to impress them.

“After months of work, we finally managed to recreate a Pachycephalosaurus” I introduce the bipedal bone headed dinosaur. “It was very hard for us to determine this specie's anatomy because only skulls were ever found. We used emu and ostrich DNA to fill the unknown parts of the genome and even with that addition, let me tell you we had trouble keeping the bipedal walk!” I explain, feeling the rush of passion I have for my job spread through my chest. Whether they like it or not, the poor representatives are in for a dino lecture, because I'm not holding any detail back. I've been working on this project for too long, I have a right to brag about it. 

“Four females are actually in the incubator. We made two sets of twins to maximise the chances of having two healthy adults” I motion the group towards the incubator and point out to the four Pachycephalosaurus eggs.   
I already named the four eggs (What? They're like my babies, I made every single one of their nucleotides), so I really wish all of them will make it to adulthood.   
We kept the first park's female only policy. Like this we can control reproduction. And also, females are far less aggressive than males (even though some of the Ankylosaurus females must be tomboys because they have really shitty characters)  
“They're not really gregarious animals but they need at least one congener for socialization. It's just a supposition but we think soft headbutting of a congener is a vital part of the skull dome formation.” I continue my little speech even though I see the suits aren't that interested in it.

“Are they herbivores?”

“Well yes” I answer, a bit taken aback.

I don't like the disapproving look they give each other. 

“Don't you have something more... impressing?” The woman with the lipstick asks.

My smile fades. I'm not prepared for this kind of shit today. Breath Jean, they don't mean to put down months of work with one sentence.

“Well, they have spikes all over their head and back, and the headbutting can be quite spectacular so I think visitors will like them” I try with a nervous smile, searching for selling points to convince the sceptical gazes on him.

“How tall are they going to be?” A guy with a stupid moustache asks me next.

I sigh, knowing I've already lost the fight. “Between 4 and 5 meters”

The frowns confirm it. 

“I don't think Cola-Coca Industries want to finance this kind of researches” The moustache says “The impact of this new specie on the public won't be big enough”

The others agree and I want to punch every single one of them in the face.

–--------

“Those stupid representatives never want to understand that what we're trying to do here! It's about science, about culture, bringing disappeared creatures back to life and show them to the world so humans can realise how small and fleeting they are! It's not just a random amusement theme park, it's about teaching humility!”

“Tell that to the marketing department and their new _'Feed the Compsognathus'_ attraction” Armin, my colleague and college friend chuckles and I bury my face into my arms with an exasperated groan. 

I get up from my desk and enter the incubation chambers. It's hot as hell in there but I've learned to withstand it. I'm inside this furnace thinking and meditating too often to be bothered by the temperature anymore.  
I crouch down in front of the Pachycephalosaurus eggs.

“Don't listen to those mean guys, girls. I love you, and the visitors are going to love you too”

I carefully stoke one of the egg's smooth shell and I jump when I feel it moving under my fingers.

“Armin!” I excitedly call out to the small blond “I think Sandy is ready to get out!”

Armin quickly joins me inside the incubation chamber, but not without scolding me (for the umpteenth time) for naming the dinos before they were born. “You get too attached to them, and if one dies you're gonna cry for days again. Try to spare yourself the sadness, it's not professional”  
I answer with a careless “yes mom”. I know Armin is right, I get way too invested in my job. But right now, I'm too focused on the egg hatching before me to care. 

The egg's shell starts to crack and I give a delighted squeak. “Come on Sandy, you can do it”

The egg moves a few times under the baby dino's headbutts, but the shell doesn't give in. After a few minutes, the egg stops moving. That's when I start to worry. Maybe the baby isn't strong enough to break free, which would mean it could be malformed or not viable. Even though I double checked every vital parameters and scanned the foetus for defaults, this kind of things can still happen. Genetics doesn't make it all and life is a much more complex thing. It wouldn't be the first time we lose an egg. 

Armin swats my hand away as I try to break the egg for Sandy. 

“You're not helping her. If she can't do this, then she won't be able to survive outside with the others.”

Armin is right, he always is, but I am stubborn. “We create them, we could also help them! We could find a way, if we take good care of her, I'm sure she'll grow up just fine.”

Armin shakes his blond head and his compassionate blue eyes fall on me.”It's over for her Jean” He whispers, gently patting my back.  
I'm about to cry, I can feel it, bitter tears forming at the corner of my eyes. Sandy was months of work, but not only. She was more than just another karyotype. 

I grossly sniff and stroke the immobile egg one last time, as if to say goodbye. But suddenly, a miracle occurs. I feel movement under my palm and the shell finally cracks under the small dinosaur's fierceness.

“You did it Sandy!” I cheer “She did it!” I turn to Armin, bringing him into a crushing hug. He lets out a pained groan but laughs at my excitement. I laugh with him, from relief and joy.

To me, every new birth is special, and the excitement of the first day never left me, not even once.   
I love my job, even with the occasional boring and stiff salespersons, I wouldn't give it up for all the money in the world.

–--------

In the end, Sandy is doing fine. Once she's out, I clean, weigh and measure her. She seems to be in perfect health.  
While Armin's not looking, I can't help but nuzzle her cute tiny muzzle where her pointy beak is. Her spikes are still soft and the bone dome on her skull isn't yet formed. She'll need to stay in the nursery for a few months before she can be put into the paddock specially designed for the Pachycephalosaurus.  
Sandy lets out a little cry when I put her down into the nursery's fake nest and I shush her, promising her that her friends will soon hatch too.

A dino hatching was all I needed to forget about the previous events of the day, and I feel so overjoyed now that I don't think anything could darken my mood.

“So, I heard another cow was born?”

Seems like I talked too fast.

I turn around to glare at the newcomer but the dark haired boy in a lab coat doesn't stop his confident walk towards me, a smirk plastered on his (admittedly pretty but extremely annoying) face.

Eren Yeager, molecular engineer too and also my ex. We dated for a year when I arrived here.   
We were young, we were passionate about dinos, we were both reckless and also I have to admit very horny. It started like a wild fire; explosive, intense and fierce and consumed everything in its wake. But after a year, the flame was gone and we both realized that constant bickering ended up being tiring, and that awesome sex and a few common interests weren't enough to keep the boat afloat. So we called it quits.   
And let me tell you at first it was hard having your ex working on the lab just across your own. But I got used to it. We still bicker though. A LOT.

“I told you hundreds of times not to call them that” I groan as I push him out of the nursery, careful to lock the door behind us.   
I'm sure telling him to stop only makes Eren prone to do it again just to annoy me. 

While I am specialized in splicing of herbivores DNA, Eren's kick goes more to the carnivore side. And he seems to think he's so much better because _his_ engineered dinos are what the visitors come here for; for the thrill of seeing a T-rex tear a lamb to shreds.   
The thought sends shivers down my spine.  
Even as a kid, I wasn't a big fan of carnivores. Sure raptors and carnos are amazing creatures, but they're scary as hell; living killing machines that could outrun any human (Well maybe not Usain Bolt, but can someone who runs this fast really be human? That's another question I can't answer without a proper research).   
From the day I first came to Jurassic World, I avoided getting too close to any carnivore and I still never venture near their paddocks. The T-rex of the first park ate a man while he was seating on the toilets for god's sake! (That's classified information I'm not supposed to know about and I could go to jail if I told you how I found out so let's not talk about it again).  
I just don't want to risk ending up eaten! Working in the park is dangerous enough already; if a Diplodocus stomps on you, you're basically dead; human purée, and I'm almost sure the park employee's insurance doesn't cover impalement by Triceratops horns. But carnivores are more vicious; I don't want to have anything to do with them.

Herbivores are much sweeter creatures (well most of them are; that's right, I'm thinking of you Ankylosaurus ladies!) and they are far from boring. Working with those “cows” like Eren likes to call them (Which by the way is a nickname purely based on their eating habits and is probably inaccurate when it comes to digestive system similarities. Some dinosaurs might have been ruminants but it wasn't the case of dinos like Sandy the Pachycephalosaurus) is a pleasure, because their often calm temper makes it easier to partially domesticate them.   
Contrary to carnivores, the herbivores of the park are brought into contact with humans as soon as they are hatched. They are taught simple tricks like lifting their feet, opening their mouths and other stuff like that to make it easier for the groomers and vets to handle them. Most of them are trained like zoo animals: with targets, clicks and rewards. It's thanks to this kind of training that they were able to make tiny Triceratops accept a saddle for the _'Children Dino Ride'_ attraction. Which in my opinion is an awesome idea, although borderline too touristic.   
Visitors tend to forget that dinosaurs are living creatures with unpredictable reactions, and not only controlled experiments coming from a test tube. And this kind of attraction doesn't really contribute to reversing their opinion. 

Eren playfully bumps his shoulder against mine, a grin still stuck on his face. “But that's what they are, big methane producing factories. Nothing compared to what _I'm_ working on”

I'd like to avoid him to show him my annoyance, but I can't stay mad at Eren for too long. Plus, I'm really curious to know what he's currently working on. I may not like being near carnivores, but that doesn't mean I'm not interested in knowing how Eren manages to recreate them. 

“What did you make this time, another featherless pack of oversized raptors?” I scoff, not wanting to fuel his ego by showing my curiosity too much.

Eren snorts, shaking his shaggy brown hair. “Sorry love, my project is top secret”

What I wouldn't give to wipe that shit-eating smile off his face. I hate it when he continues calling me 'love' after all this time; gives me a painful pang every damn time and I'm sure I'm blushing right now. The worst is that I think he knows the effect it has on me.   
Sullen, I walk past him, not giving him the satisfaction of asking more about that 'top secret' project. I instead busy myself with imputing Sandy's data in my computer for later growth analysis.

Eren sits on the edge of my desk. I gather he isn't ready to leave me at peace for now. 

“Oh come on Jean, don't sulk on me”

I don't look at him, focusing on my computer screen. After a few minutes of trying to pique my curiosity by giving me small teasing details on his researches, Eren finally gives up before my stubborn disdain.  
He gets up, and he's about to leave when the lab's door opens to reveal a bald old man with a moustache and piercing golden eyes. 

Dot Pixis, billionaire and owner of the park. He was probably here to tell me about the marketing disaster that was my guided tour of this morning.

I sigh, reluctantly leaving my data base to get up and greet our boss with a nod of the head like Eren does. Pixis returns our nod and gets to business directly.

“Good thing you're both here, I wanted to talk to you.” He says, clasping his hands behind his back.

I frown. What could he possibly want from the _both_ of us, we don't work on the same projects at all. Pixis turns to me and I straighten my hunched back, my spine stiff from apprehension.

“You see Jean, a few months ago I gave Eren a mission that will be vital for the park's survival.” He starts, moving to one of the blue touch screens to display the park's attendance statistics. “We lose more visitors and as a consequence, more money each passing year. People get bored of just seeing dinosaurs walk around in paddocks; to them we became a banal zoo. Soon we won't be able to afford the tonnes of meat or plants needed to feed our reptilian residents..”

I knew that the park wasn't doing as good as when it opened, but I never expected the situation to be so serious. It make me anxious. What if the park closes and I end up losing my job? What would they do with the dinos? Unconsciously, I start chewing on my bottom lip, a nervous tic I can't seem to get rid of. 

“People want entertainment. They want thrill, excitement, spectacle!” Our boss continues and his golden gaze falls on me again. “And I'm sorry to say this Jean but your bone-headed dinos simply won't do the trick.”

It stings to have my hard work belittled like this, but it wouldn't be the first time my boss isn't too excited about having new 'unimpressive' herbivore mouths to feed. I'm used to it now; that's not what people want to see, but to me it's important, for cultural and realism reasons. Because whether they like it or not, a long time ago, those 'boring' dinosaurs were walking the earth too, and if it weren't for them, the massive and scary carnivores with the teeth and the claws couldn't have existed. I like to tell myself that at least a few visitors realise this, and that amongst them there is maybe a kid who looks at them in awe, amazed like I was once too by their majesty, appreciating their true worth. 

“So instead I asked Eren to come up with a new specie. A bigger one, with more... teeth.”

I don't like where this is going.

“But boss, I don't understand. We already have recreated the largest carnivores, what specie could possibly answer those criteria?” I ask, genuinely lost. I may be racking my head, browsing through my whole dinosaur knowledge, but I can't find a specie that surpasses in height and teeth the Spinosaurus that hatched last year (which is already a scary as hell monster with a spiked spine and massive jaws). Or maybe we're talking about a marine dinosaur?

“Tell him Eren” Pixis nods to my colleague with a proud smile. 

Eren turns to me, an excited glint in his eyes. “We're making a new specie Jean!”

My brain doesn't process that information and I stay frozen on the spot, starring from my boss to Eren with wide eyes.

“What?”

“We recreate extinct species all the time but we have the technology to create a new one; a perfect and exciting mix of the most amazing dinosaurs we have!” 

I can see how Eren's electric green orbs seek my approval, but I can't give it to him. 

It's Pixis' turn to speak. “And for this project to see the light faster, I want you to help Eren. You're one of our best engineers after all.”

It's like a cold shower. I feel cold sweat run down my spine and I can't stay silent anymore. 

“I'm sorry but I can't agree to that.”

Pixis' eyes widen before he frowns and Eren gives me a the most painful betrayed look. 

“This is science we're doing, we're already borderline playing god and I don't want to cross that line.” My fists are clenched by my sides and my arms are shaking with anger. “We're here to educate people about extinct creatures, not to create monsters for money!” This wasn't what I came here for and I am honestly very disappointed with my boss and with Eren.

You don't create a new specie with a snap of the fingers for god's sake. Didn't they learn from the previous' park incident that dinosaurs are dangerous creature? And now they want to make something even more dangerous? What about ethics? They can't play god and create a completely new animal for financial reasons; it's living creature we're talking about, which they'll be responsible for.   
Maybe I'm a coward but I don't want to have anything to do with this, it's too much responsibility and there are too many unknown parameters that could lead to a disaster.

“This project is against my values as a scientist boss, and even if it means I'm fired, I can't accept to be a part of this.”

Unexpectedly, Pixis laughs and my serious and determined face falls. 

“Don't be so over-dramatic Jean, it was just an offer. I'm not going to fire you!”

I feel my cheeks heat up. It's true that I tend to overreact sometimes, but what I said, I meant it, and sadly, I don't think it will make my boss change his mind about this project.

“But until the hybrid project is complete, your subventions will be considerably cut down. We can't afford to lose money over a new unattractive specie again. So no more splicing for you now. You'll dedicate yourself entirely to keeping the Pachycephalosaurus alive. I spent too much money on them to hear they died before the public even got to see them.”

I feel anger keep lowly buzzing under my skin from how my warning isn't taken seriously. I turn to Eren but he refuses to look at me. They don't care about my opinion, they're going to keep this project afloat even without me. It hurts to be left apart and have my work reduced to that of a mere groomer. But there is nothing more I can do or say to change things. I won't change my mind, but I wish I could have reasoned them. 

Without a word, I turn my back to Pixis and Eren and exit the room, bitter tears starting to form at the corner of my eyes.

–--------

“I'm sure there are some other things we can do to save the park from going bankrupt!”

Armin sighs around his veggies' mouthful. I know he's tired of hearing me rambling about Pixis' insane project, but I can't help it, I need to get all my frustration and worry out.

“This is madness Armin, Eren's going to kill us all!”

“Jean, calm down” Armin calmly interrupts me once he's swallowed his mouthful. “I'm sure Pixis knows what he's doing and Eren will be careful. I'll make sure of it.”

“But they-” I stop for a second, the gears in my brain putting one and two together. “You're part of the project too? And you didn't tell me anything?!”

Armin give me an apologetic smile. “Sorry, but it _was_ top secret.”

I think he's trying to tell me that I shouldn't be talking with him about this subject in one of the park's too expensive fast food place. But I act clueless and don't drop the subject.

“And I thought at least _you_ had some common sense” 

I don't think the blond in front of me likes the bitterness in my tone.

“Jean” He says seriously, almost scolding “don't you realise this is a wonderful opportunity? We're pushing science's limits, we're going where no scientist ever ventured; we're forerunners!”

I don't share Armin's excitement and to show it, I cross my arms in front of my chest and give him an incredulous look. 

“I understand your worry, but don't you think you're being a little paranoiac Jean? The security level of in the lab and in the future paddock is made of the most powerful and advanced technologies. If something goes wrong, we'll have it covered.”

I'm not totally convinced by Armin's arguments, but I (still reluctantly) drop the subject because it's an important project for my friend and I don't want to unnecessarily hurt him.   
We continue our lunch in silent. I can't find it in me to make small talk, I'm too upset and Armin knows it.   
I'm about to clear away my plate and leave but I jump when a tray is slammed down on the table just across where I sit.

“How could you refuse Pixis' offer!”

It's not even a question, I gather when I meet Eren's furious green gaze. 

I get up in silence, trying to keep my cool. I don't want to start a fight, so I better plainly avoid this discussion. I know from experience that with Eren, things can heat up pretty quickly.

“Answer me Jean!” Eren growls and I move quicker. “Is it that you don't want to work with me?”

I clench my teeth as anger starts boiling in my veins. I can't believe how selfish Eren can be in this moment. He thinks everything revolves around him, but he's far from being the reason I don't want to take part in Pixis' time bomb project. Didn't he listen to one thing I said back in the lab? I know he isn't what you'd call a good listener, but I thought he was smarter than this, and had a better moral.

“Don't run away from me Jean!” I hear Eren shout from the table as I walk away and I can also hear Armin's softer voice trying to reason him.   
I don't turn back once, not even when Eren strikes me with a venomous. “You can't keep running away every time you're afraid!”

I put away my tray and my plate goes clattering with how much angered force I put into it, probably broken. But I don't care.

–--------

The lab feels empty without Armin. He moved away a few days ago to consecrate his whole time helping Eren with the new dinosaur specie's DNA splicing.

Sandy is doing fine, and I have to admit that without Armin around, I take her in my arms to keep me company more than I probably should.   
The three other eggs give no signs of hatching and I'm starting to get worried. If not at least one gives a healthy dinosaur, Sandy may never get to live outside.   
Sitting in front of my computer, I clutch the small Pachycephalosaurus closer to my chest. Eren's right, I'm afraid. I've always been.

–--------

It's been almost a month since I learned about Pixis' 'save the park with a monster' project, and honestly, I'm exhausted. I can't resolve to throw the unhatched Pachycephalosaurus eggs away and I can't sleep at night, tossing and turning in my bed until the sun rises. And when I can manage to get some shut eye, I dream about sharp monster teeth and slashing claws and I wake up sweating and crying.

A knock on the lab's door startles me and ends my napping. Seems like I dozed off in the incubation room while watching the eggs; _again_. But this time at least I didn't dream of being eaten.

I don't even try to make myself presentable as I let out a short “Come in”. I know I look like shit, hair a mess and bags under my eyes, but this isn't new; the secret of Pixis' project that I have to keep and bear is slowly gnawing at me.

I get out of the incubation zone and my eyes widen. If there was one face I wasn't expecting to see today, it was that of the man standing by the door.

“Um, hi!” The brown-haired man says with a soft smile. “I'm sorry to bother you but I was told you could help me with a small problem I have”

I stare at the guy so hard I could probably burn a hole in him, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of the water.  
A small blush tints the taller man's freckled cheeks, but he keeps his smile on.

“Are you okay, um, Jean wasn't it?”

My breath catches in my throat and I think back to the small post-it note that is still sitting on my night-stand at home. 

Marco Bodt, trainer in the raptor area and from what I gathered, ex navy man. And now you're wondering how I know this hot piece of ass with the perfect smile in front of me? Well, I'll try to make it quick.

Every year the park has this employee party for new year, and a year after I broke up with Eren, I spotted this handsome and extremely hot man there, and I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but it was an instant crush. A stupid one I thought at the time, because that night Mister ex navy was surrounded by a horde of swooning ladies and seemed very pleased to entertain them.   
However, like the scientist piece of trash I am, I still made my researches and found out his name was Marco and he worked with the raptors. And also that he was gay. Which was a rather good news.   
But I still had no occasions to bump into him around the park and I was too proud to ask someone to introduce me. So every following year, at the new-year party, I kept my eyes on him; dreaming that maybe he'd notice me. 

Lame I know. 

I was like a teenager again, fantasizing about a stranger when I knew next to nothing about him.  
However on this year's party, a few months ago, I drank too much wine, accepted to take a drag of one of the security technician's suspicious joint and then walked up to him.  
I still don't remember what I told him, but I vaguely remember his pretty lips stretched around my cock while he blew me in the bathrooms before I bent him over the sink and fucked him until he was crying out my name. It wasn't very glamorous, but god was it hot.  
At the time he left his number on a post it note in my jean's pocket, but I never called him.  
I wanted to, really, but with every passing day, gathering up the courage to write a text was becoming more and more difficult.

Even though we both work in the park, I thought I'd never bump into him again. How wrong I was.

“I'm fine” I finally answer, avoiding to meet his caring brown orbs. I feel my cheeks warm up too. “What do you need, um was it Mark?”

I know it's low of me to act like I don't remember his name, but some stupid part of me is afraid he'll discover that I kind of stalked him for years.

“Marco” He corrects, his smile only slightly faltering at my intentional mistake. He's a good person and I'm not. “One of the raptors looks like its sick so I looked for someone's help in the carnivore lab area, but I was sent back here because they said they had 'more important things to do'” He explains, mimicking quotation marks with his fingers.

“I'm sorry but I'm not a vet and I'm not a raptor specialist.” I answer too curtly, still avoiding eye contact.

Marco sighs and my heart painfully swells in my chest. 

“Can't you at least take a look at her?”

I can tell he's genuinely worried for the raptor, but I really don't want to go near it. What could I do anyway? As I told him, I'm not a vet. Well I may have taken a few dinosaur care courses when I got here because they were really interesting, but-

“Please, at least come see her, just give it a try” He begs me and I can feel my resolve slowly crumbling.   
My gaze falls onto Sandy who is glued to the glass door of the nursery, and I swear she's looking at the eggs while making little throaty noises.

I sigh. I've already got enough on my mind to add the guilt of letting a sick animal suffer to it.

“Fine” I say, shrugging off my lab coat. “Lead the way”

–--------

On the way to the raptor's paddock, Marco keeps thanking me, and the more he does it and the closer we get to the fence, the more I regret accepting to do this.  
I'm almost sure I won't be able to help, and I'm afraid I'll just end up fainting in front of the raptor when I see it.  
I'm anxious and my hands are shaking when we go through the first double door and enter the security area that precedes the paddock. My ancestral mammal instincts are telling me I shouldn't be here, that it's dangerous, but I guess it's too late to go back now.

“Reiner!” Marco calls out to a bulky blond guy standing above the paddock. “Let Sonny in”

That Reiner guy pulls a lever or something and then, I hear them, the footsteps. I take a step back and fall onto my butt with a girly yelp when the large head of the raptor appears from a hole in the thick armoured wall. She's muzzled with an ingenuous system, preventing any biting incident, and even if I know I don't risk anything, my legs refuse to help me up.

“You alright?” Marco asks me, worry readable in his beautiful eyes. I nod and he helps me up, staying by my side in case I'd collapse again. When he deems that I'm ready to listen to him, he explains the situation to me.

“This is Sonny” He points to the suspiciously calm raptor. “For a few days she's had a runny nose and even with cleaning and antibiotics it doesn't seem to regress” I take a closer look to the raptor and I indeed see a thick yellow substance drip from her nostrils. I'm not gonna lie, I find it disgusting. “She's got difficulty breathing and she doesn't eat much... If she becomes too weak, we're afraid the other girls will end up rejecting her.”

I get what Marco means. He's afraid the other members of the pack will kill their congener. It isn't an unusual behaviour in the animal world. I take a deep breath because I'm about to offer to do something I really don't want to do.

“As long as I don't know the nature of the flow, I can't suggest anything.” I say, turning to Marco in hopes I won't have to make a taking. “You don't happen to have a sample of the substance?”

When Marco shakes his head, I honestly want to cry. But I gather up all my courage for his pretty eyes and for the animal's health's sake

“Bring me a test tube and a swab”

–--------

Marco keeps the raptor calm by whispering reassuring words into the hole that is her ear and stroking her scales. My hands are shaking badly, but thankfully (or not for Sonny), there is enough yellow liquid for me to take a generous sample without needing to be precise.  
When I'm done, I carefully but swiftly step back. I don't want to be close to those teeth for too long, even when Sonny is muzzled and seems to behave.  
Marco pats her head one last time and she lets out a soft groan before she's released and her head disappears. He turns to me and I go stiff.

“Thank you” His smile is so genuine it's dazzling.

“I haven't done anything yet.” I argue. I always find it difficult to take people's gratitude, I'm not good at this and I'm sure I'm blushing. 

“But you're going to, and you agreed to see her when you didn't have to”

I finally crack a small smile and accept to hold Marco's gentle gaze. In the end, I don't regret following him here. I'm glad I can be of use and that I overcame my fear to come close to a carnivore. Turns out maybe I'm not as big a coward as I thought.

“Pig loose!” Someone shouts and I jump.

It happens too fast but I see the pig run and a blond guy with weird sideburns on a bridge above the paddock trying to catch it with a rope. But the pig gets caught by one of the raptors just when Sideburns got it and the force of the dinosaur makes the guy fall into the paddock.   
I don't even have time to cast Marco a look of terror that he's already opening the second security gate and crawling inside the paddock.

“Marco no!” I cry in despair, but he's already in.

The raptors are surrounding the guy who fell and heavy shotguns are already pointed on them.

“Hold your fire!” Marco orders, stepping between the guy and the menacing pack of screeching raptors. “Do not fire! Hurt one of these raptors and they're never gonna trust me again.”

I watch Marco's lowered stance, feet anchored to the ground to keep him balanced and steady, opened palms raised in front of him to try and keep the raptors at bay. This man is insane, he's gonna get killed!

The blond with the side-burns uses this opportunity to roll under the half-opened gate, sighing in relief once he's safe. I spare him a quick glance before looking back to Marco who's trying to keep the raptors calm. If he gets killed by Sideburn's fault, I'll never forgive either one of them. 

“Annie stand down” Marco calmly says to one of the raptors, repeating the order a few times. I let out a scared whimper when the raptor named Annie tries to bite him, her powerful jaw clacking as it closes onto thin air. But Marco doesn't flinch, only raising his voice. “Hey! What did I just say.”  
Another raptor tries to sneak up on him from the left, but he sees her. “Bean, I see you, back off!” His tone is firm and the raptor doesn't come any closer. I hold my breath as the raptors seem to settle down. 

“Good, good girls” Marco praises. “Careful Ymir” He says to the last raptor before he starts slowly backing up. “Jean, pull the lever to close the gate”

I didn't expect him to ask this of me. Does he really want to get killed that much?!

“Are you crazy?!”

“Trust me” He says, not turning back to look at me, keeping his eyes on the growling predators in front of him.

Cold sweat runs down my spine and I'm petrified. I don't know what to do. I don't know what choice to make to ensure Marco's safety. I don't want to see him torn to pieces. I don'-

“Come on Jean, you can do it, I'll be fine.” He encourages me once more while the blond at my feet yells at me to “Close the gate!”

With tears prickling my eyes I pull the lever. The gate gradually falls down and Marco suddenly turns back, making a run for it, the raptors on his heels, all claws and teeth an-

Marco rolls, the jaws snap, and everything goes black.

–--------

_Jaws. Claws. Teeth. Blood. Jaws. Claws. Teeth. Blood. Jaws. Claws. Teeth. Blood..._

I wake up with a start and the worry in the brown eyes above me transforms into relief. 

“Thank god you're alright” Says the one who almost lost his arm to a raptor's jaw.

The slap leaves before I can think to stop it, the dry sound of my palm against Marco's cheek breaking the silence of the room.

“What were you thinking?!” I shout while moving to a sitting position. 

The gentle smile Marco gives me annoys me; doesn't he realize he could have lost his life in there? He carefully rubs his sore cheek with his hand but his eyes don't hold any grudge and don't leave my face.

“I had to help Thomas, I couldn't possibly leave him to serve as the raptor's diner” His voice is soft, lacking fear or regret, and I don't understand. “I'm sorry I scared you, but everything is fine now so let's forget about this incident, okay.”

I want to argue; to knock some sense into his thick skull but when he places his hand over mine and starts stroking the back of it with his thumb, words die down in my throat and my anger subsides.  
He's right. Nobody was hurt and that's what matters.   
But I hope they'll learn the lesson and rethink the paddock's security system. 

I glance around the room and realise I don't even know where I am. 

“After the incident, you fainted so I brought you to the infirmary.” Marco answers my unspoken question. “You were really pale, that kind of scared me.” He adds with a sheepish smile, scratching the tip of his cute nose. 

Right. The infirmary. I never put a foot here, but I should have guessed from the white walls, the beds and the kid in the corner who's probably suffering from a sunstroke, given his abnormally red face and how he's currently throwing his guts up.  
I grimace at the sight and look back to Marco's much more pleasant face. I don't know whether to thank him or apologize for lamely fainting, so I don't say anything. But the silence isn't awkward and he continues to gently stoke my hand until I relax my tensed shoulders and my face regains a healthier colour.

“Let me buy you lunch.” Marco suddenly says, and my eyes on him are like saucers. “I want to apologize for scaring you in the paddock, and I'm sure food will help you feel better” He explains and I nod my head. Food sounds good and I can't resist that amazing smile of his.

–--------

Talking with Marco is surprisingly easy. I think the last person I had such a long conversation with was my mother.  
I usually don't talk much, but Marco is a good listener and he easily keeps the conversation going, but not in a forceful way; alternating between listening to me and making small remarks or asking a few pertinent questions.  
I tell him about my work, about Sandy and the poor Pachycephalosaurus eggs while I stuff my face with an expensive three floor burger.  
We're sitting under the pleasant shade of a parasol outside one of the park's fast food place, and I'm so focused on Marco that I don't get annoyed by the loud noises coming from the crowd of visitors.  
I regret not calling him back after he gave me his number, I really do, because he's an amazing person.

As he sips a seven dollar drink, Marco tells me about his raptors; how he trains them to obey simple orders and also to track down scents and hunt small animals. I can tell he's as passionate about his job as I am, and, fascinated, I greedily drink up every one of his words.   
However I have trouble believing such a joyful and smiling person was once in the navy. Except if by navy he actually means 'Sea World', because the training methods he uses on his raptors resemble the ones used to train orcas. And the animals he uses them on are just as dangerous predators as the black and white killing whales.

“I could never dream of accomplishing what you're doing with the raptors. It's amazing. Crazy, but amazing!” I praise in all sincerity.

Marco's soft chuckle sends warmth through my chest.

“I think what you do is even more amazing. Without people like you, I wouldn't even be able to work with my raptors.”

The way he looks at me makes me blush and I avert my eyes, distracting myself by playing with a french fry. I really don't know how to take a compliment.

We continue chatting for a while until at some point, Marco glances at his watch and curses at how late it already is. We've both sweepingly exceeded our allowed lunch break time and I'm surprised at how quickly time flew by when we were just talking. 

“Thanks for the food” I awkwardly say as I put away my empty tray. 

“It was a pleasure” Marco beams at me.

I rub my arm, not knowing what to say next and my lip chewing tic comes back. But Marco soon relieves my nervosity.

“I'm sorry but I have to get back to work.” He apologizes when he doesn't need to, rubbing the back of his neck. “Don't hesitate to hit me up when you have news about Sonny's condition” He adds before nervously putting his hands in front of him. “But please take your time, I don't want to delay your work”

My lips curve up slightly at how nice the guy is. Seriously, I want to hug him right now. Amongst other things. 

“Don't worry, I can't say I'm particularly busy at the moment” 

That's an understatement. Except caring for Sandy, I literally have nothing better to do than study the weird yellow goo coming from his raptor's nose. 

Marco smiles at me again and I think I might become addicted to it.

“You...um” He starts, suddenly hesitant “Do you need my number or...”

My smile falls and my eyes widen. “Oh” I eloquently answer.

I'm tempted to say that I lost it, but I'm already tired of lying to him and to myself, especially when I can tell he's trying his best to not embarrass me. 

“It's okay, I still have it...” I avoid his eyes as I answer, my cheeks flaring. I don't specify that I've been keeping his number on my bedside table. 

“Ok. Good. That's good. See you soon then?” His smile widens and I nod, still not directly looking at him.

As he bids me farewell, he gently pats me on the shoulder, his hand lingering a second more than necessary on my shirt. Usually I don't like people touching me, but this time, while I wave back at him as he walks away, I find myself craving more of that warm contact.

–--------

After leaving Marco, I immediately go back to the lab and waist no time in placing the raptor's snot on a microscope slide.  
I sit down and set to work, turning the big screw on the microscope's side to adjust the focus.

I see no coccidies or bacillus; it doesn't seem to be a bacterial infection so no wonder the antibiotics didn't work. Maybe it's viral, but I can't tell; my microscope isn't powerful enough to allow me to see such small particles. I'd have to use other tests to know.  
I skim through the slide and stop with a small victory noise when I spot what I think is the cause of the raptor's ailment.

In the snot, I can clearly see small ornate spheres. Pollens.

Seems like despite her supposedly perfect genes, Sonny still has an atopic background. And even thought the four raptors are supposed to be very close genetically, she seems to be the only one of the pack to be like that.  
I smile. It confirms that genetic doesn't do everything. I wish I could rub that discovery in Eren's face, to show him how uncertain the results of molecular engineering can still be.

I launch a cross-analysis between the picture I take with the microscope and the park's pollen data-base. It wouldn't be the first time the ornamental vegetation gives dinosaurs allergies. After all, during the dinosaur age, there were next to no angiosperms (read flowers), but mostly gymnosperms (like ferns for example) that produced a lot less pollens, so the dinosaurs' immune systems is not made to be in prolonged contact with flowers. 

While the computer does the work for me, I get up and stretch, popping my vertebrae with a satisfied groan. I can't wait to tell Marco that a few anti histaminic pills and an eviction of the plant involved will cure his beloved raptor.   
Satisfied, I reward myself with a cup of coffee.

I'm halfway through filling the coffee pot with water when I hear a strident beeping sound coming from the Pachycephalosaurus egg's monitor. I quickly stop what I'm doing, spilling coffee everywhere in my haste, and run into the incubation zone.   
Sandy is shrieking like she's gone crazy and my heart is beating fast. 

I stop dead in my tracks when I see a small tail coming out from one of the eggs, then a tiny leg and finally, a beak. I can't believe it.

I put my hand in front of my mouth and I start crying.

–--------

In the end, the three eggs hatch at the same time, giving me three perfectly healthy females. Seems they weren't late after all; Sandy was just an early bloomer. It's always very hard to estimate the dino eggs' incubation periods, and I'm glad I didn't throw those eggs away a few days ago.  
Once they're cleaned and weighted, I place the three newborns in the nursery with Sandy, and she gently greets her congeners, not showing any signs of aggressiveness.

I'm so proud of her. 

Turns out my month long project is a success. I would be overjoyed if there was someone I could share this with. But I'm alone in the lab and no-one seems to care about my little miracles.

–--------

I was going to sleep in the lab to watch over the newborn dinos during the night, but the janitor threw me out.

So it is worried for my little babies that I go home, directly slumping into my bed, without eating and with my clothes still on.  
I quickly glance at the clock on my bedside table.   
It's 9 am and I'm exhausted from my unusual day.  
My eyes fall onto the flashy yellow post it note on my night-stand and I bit my lip.

In the end, maybe there is someone I can share my happiness with.

I dial and erase the number at least five times before finally pressing the green call button. I'm afraid Marco won't answer, or that's my call will bother him. I realize I'm chewing on my lips again just when Marco picks up. I gulp, not knowing what to say or where to start.

“Hello?” I hear Marco's questioning voice.

I take a deep breath and gather up my courage.

“Marco, um it's Jean”

“Jean!” His voice turns more cheerful once he knows who's calling him so late. “How are you since this afternoon? Feeling better?”

I can't believe how caring he is.

“Y-yeah” I answer before going straight to business. “I think I found what the matter with Sonny is”

“Really?!” He sounds so excited I can't help but smile, glad he can't see it through the phone.

“I think she's allergic to Ragweeds. It's not surprising, they're very allergenic” 

Marco hums and lets out a small “Oh” as I continue my explanation. “You just have to cut down the ragweeds around the paddock and dose her with anti allergy drugs, and she'll probably be fine.”

“Wow, thank you Jean, really” Marco sounds like I just solved all the problems in his life. “You took care of this so quickly... I don't know how I can show you how grateful I am.”

“Don't mention it, it's fine” I answer, drawing my knees close to my chest.

We continue talking and I tell him the eggs have finally hatched.

“That's amazing! See, you were right to keep them.” Marco's words make my heart beat faster. “Is Sandy accepting them?”

I tell him she's doing great and I can't believe he remembers every detail I told him about this afternoon and even seems very interested in my 'boring' dinosaurs.

“Say Jean, I'm really curious about those babies. Do you think I could drop by to see them sometime.”  
My smile is so wide it reaches my ears. Yes, by all means Marco, come whenever you want. I want to show them to you, and I want to see you again as soon as possible and talk with you again because you're such an amazing person.

“Yeah sure” I simply agree.

When I hang up, it's past midnight.

–--------

True to his word, the following day Marco comes visit me and the young Pachycephalosaurus during lunch break. And the bastard even brings pizza.

If think that's when I decide I wanted more of him in my life.

He holds Sandy in his arms and looks me straight in the eyes when he tells me she's cute. I want to think the intensity of his gaze meant the dino wasn't the only one he was complimenting.

After that, we get into the habit of having lunch together. When he doesn't bring take out, I use the lab's small kitchen to make pasta and we sit down on the laboratory bench tops to eat and talk. It isn't very hygienic but Armin isn't there to scold us and I always clean afterwards; I've got nothing else to do so it occupies my afternoons and since I have no funds for research left, I don't even use those bench tops much anyway. 

In the space of a few weeks, I learn a lot of things about Marco, and I'm delighted with every single new detail.   
First, he really was an ex navy man and he once got to travel in a submarine for more than a year. He talks to me about his missions and the places he visited. He's been all over the world when I never even left the country. I'm a bit envious, but I know I'm not an adventurer like him and I couldn't stay away from my home town for too long. 

Marco likes spicy food and his favourite drink is Dr Pepper. I don't understand how he can drink that thing but I store the information away to use it later. He's got a German Shepherd dog at home and he had a black belt in karate when I live alone and didn't even run once for at least 5 years.  
He's captivating when I'm boring, but he says I'm not. At some point he even tells me he likes me. He says it so casually between two mouthfuls of pasta that I think I didn't hear well.

“Uh?”

He gives me a smile and it's so warm I think I might melt. “I said I like you” He repeats simply, sincerely “You've got tomato sauce smeared all over your lips and it makes me want to kiss you.”

I almost choke on my pastas and look down, my cheeks flushed.

A gentle finger under my chin coaxes me into looking up into deep chocolate orbs. “Can I kiss you Jean?”

The fact that he asks for permission sends shivers down my spine. I unconsciously lick my lips in anticipation before I nod. He doesn't know how much I've been wanting this.  
I close my eyes and his lips are soft on mine. He's so gentle, stroking his thumb against my cheek as he sucks on my bitten bottom lip.

“I know it's a nervous tic but I find it really sexy how you're always licking your lips.” He breathes between our lips when he pulls away. “makes them look delicious, all red and shiny” 

I answer him with a desperate groan. God, this guy's going to kill me with his sweet talking.   
I grab the back of his head and pull him into another kiss to shut him up before he drives me crazy.

–--------

That night, I bring him home. But not for a quick fuck like the one we had in the bathroom at new year's party. He deserves much better. We deserve much better.

I order Mexican food and he devours it while we watch “The land before time”.   
He doesn't question my taste in films, saying that he thinks cartoons aren't only for children and often have a deeper meaning that only adults can grasp. I agree with him, of course, and I'm glad he lets me show him this animated film that means so much to me and that I watched hundreds of times since I was a young boy.   
He doesn't mind me being a dinosaur nerd, and even tells me he wishes he was as passionate about them as I am and that if one person deserves to have a job in Jurassic World, it's me.   
I blush and once we're done eating, I cuddle up to him on the sofa. 

I cry lamely like I always do when Littlefoot's mother dies and Marco gathers me closer into his arms, not mocking me once, and trailing kisses in my hair until I stop sobbing.  
We watch the rest of the film in silence, and I tense (admittedly less than when I was younger) everytime the Sharptooth appears. Maybe he's the reason I don't like carnivores, I don't know.   
When the credits roll, my eyes are teary from how beautiful it is.

“I understand why it's your favourite. It was a really nice story, even though a bit sad.” Marco comments, his head resting atop of mine. 

“Dinosaur extinction can't be not sad.” I reply “They ended up all dying!” 

He chuckles, removing a few stray bangs from my forehead. “But they're not extinct anymore thanks to you.”

I smile as he leans down to catch my lips in a tender kiss. 

Marco's amazing and I don't know what I did to deserve his attention and his interest. Whatever it is, I'm grateful because it means I can have him to myself for the night and hopefully for more in a second time.

Our kisses turn more heated and I move to seat on his laps while he plays with my hair. Soon I'm shyly leading him by the hand to my bedroom. 

He takes off my clothes and I take off his, relieving in the sight of his beautifully toned body.  
He makes gentle love to me and he's more tender, and sweeter than anyone else I've ever had. I love every second of it.  
He takes care of me and makes me forget all the things that he knows are on my mind, even though I didn't tell him about all of them.   
When I come, it's shaking and with a weak sob of his name as he follows me over the edge. Nothing compared to the brutality of our first time, but surprisingly far more intense. 

As I come down, he tells me I'm beautiful and I lack words so I kiss him to show him how much he means to me.  
When he gets up to clean himself, I see his eyes fall on the post-it note still resting on my night stand.

“I couldn't find the courage...” I simply say, ashamed of my behaviour. I've probably made him suffer without knowing it.   
He turns to me, giving me one of those smiles I don't deserve.

“It's okay, I understand.” He crawls back onto the bed and sets above me on his hands and knees before he tenderly rubs his nose against mine. “Even if it took you some time, I'm glad you ended up finding that courage”

Later, it is relaxed for the first time in months that I fall asleep; the safety of Marco's arms around me keeping the nightmares at bay.

–--------

Dating Marco is like floating on a sweet little cloud. The analogy is silly but he's like the sun that my cold existence was lacking. When I'm with him, and when I think about how lucky I am to have him, my mood brightens up considerably, and I forger about my subvention problems, as well as the dark secret project going on just across my lab's door.  
He keeps visiting the lab during lunch break, and he squats my flat at least two nights a week (and let me tell you I'm far from displeased about this arrangement!).

I give him what's probably the most disgustingly love struck look in the world as he enters the lab at noon sharp one day.  
He gives me an excited smile and I ask him what put him into such a good mood.

“Well, Sonny's vital capacity is finally back to normal, meaning she won't keep any respiratory sequela of her little allergy episode.” He says in a sing song voice as he leans down to give a quick peck on my lips. “And that's thanks to you sweetheart”

I hum against his lips. I can't tell you how much I love when he gives me pet names; coming from him, they sound so heartfelt.

“That's great news!” 

We continue chatting about his raptors while eating and at some point I finally ask him how he manages to tame those beasts and not run away or pee his pants in their presence like I probably would.

He chuckles warmly and my heart melts.

“Well, first, they are fed enough to not be hungry when I work with them.” He explains, not joking the least. “Because you know, they're not the kind to hunt for fun much, and like us, they can't concentrate on an empty stomach.”

I nod. Sounds completely logical.

“Then, we use the targets and the rewards, like I already told you about. It's not very different from training another animal really. You just have to be a bit more careful, and remember that even if they're born from test tubes, they are still wild predators and not puppies. They have that killing instinct in their genes.”

“Yeah but how did you get them to obey you back in the cage when Thomas fell in? You didn't have any kind of reward so why did they listen?”

Marco chuckles again and there is mischievousness into his brown orbs when he looks at me.

“First, they don't 'obey' me. It's a relationship, based on mutual trust and respect.” He corrects me. “Second, during the hunting exercises, I position myself as one of them; as a member of the pack, hunting with them.” I don't really get what he means, so I listen carefully as he continues his explanation. “You see, in the pack, every individual has a defined role.”

I want to reply with a 'no shit Sherlock, I know about dinosaur packs' dynamics, I studied them', but I let him be the smartass for once.

“Well in our pack, Sonny, Bean and Ymir are omegas, Annie is the beta and...” He points to himself with a grin, before dramatically saying “I'm the alpha” accompanying this revelation with a wink.

I give him a dumbfound look and then I burst out laughing.

I can't help it, it's too funny seeing him so proud of his hierarchic position in a group of dinosaurs. I imagine him weirdly screech with the other raptors as he mimics their posture with his arms and my stomach is hurting from my hiccuped breaths. I have to clutch at it as tears form at the corner of my eyes in my hilarity. 

“What?” Marco asks, not looking annoyed, but more like he's genuinely concerned about my mental health. “What's so funny?” He chuckles so much my heartfelt laugh is contagious.

I try to calm down and wipe the corner of my eyes. “It's just how serious you were when you said your were the alpha”

“But I'm serious, I _am_ the alpha”

I almost laugh again, but I try to keep my composure. I don't want Marco to think I'm mocking him.

“You want me to believe those dinos who could kill you in a second chose you, a weak mammal who's as harmless as a puppy to be their leader?” I ask, raising a septical eyebrow. “Seems like they're not as smart as they're renowned to be”

Well given their DNA was spliced by Eren, it wouldn't be that surprising if they turned out dumb when they were supposed to be the smartest dinosaurs in the park.

Marco pouts as I jokingly denigrate his babies, but his expression soon turns more confident again, a wicked glint in his eyes. 

“I'm not that harmless you know...”

He gets ups from where he's sitting across me and positions himself behind me, leaning down so his lips are close to my ear.

“And as the alpha, I can't accept to be mocked like this... I think I should punish you for disrespecting me.”

I'm not in a laughing mood anymore. The suddenly lower tone of Marco's voice is pushing all my right buttons and I can feel my breathing increase and heat rise under my skin. I don't say anything but my body's reactions don't go unnoticed. 

“Do you think I should punish you Jean?” I gulp and he places one hand just over my Adam apple, not pressuring, only stroking the thin skin there with his thumb, possessively, just how the bastard knows I like it. “You know, as an ex navy man, I'm an expert at tying knots” His breath is hot against my ear. “But I'm afraid of losing my touch so I was thinking of using you as my practice subject.” I whimper as he trails hot open mouthed kisses across my neck. “Would you like that?”

God yes, I'd like that, please...   
This guy's going to be the death of me, he gets to me so bad... It shouldn't be allowed to be able to switch like he does from caring and cute to sexy piece of ass in a mere second.  
I'm torn between begging him to bend me over the lab bench and fuck me right now and asking him to feed me with more of those filthy promises, whispered in that velvety dark voice of his. 

“Marco” I groan, threading my fingers through his hair as he nibbles at the sensitive spot just under my ear. I tug and he hisses approvingly. 

Just when I give in and turn my head to crash our lips into a heated kiss, the lab's door is slammed open and I separate from him with a start.

Eren's excited face falls when he realizes that he's just walked in on us.

Marco straightens up but stays behind me, his hands resting on the back of my chair as he smiles at the newcomer, not looking one bit embarrassed.  
For my part, I can't bring myself to look at Eren.

“If you're interested, Pixis allows you to attend the hatching.” Eren informs me, his voice cold and professional when I'd expect the news to make it excited and warm. He glances between me and Marco and crosses his arms over his chest. “But it seems you have better things to do.”

I wince internally at his biting tone and if I wasn't blushing from embarrassment before, I am definitely now. However, the heat prickling under my skin has completely receded.  
Marco places a reassuring hand on my tense shoulder and I look up to him, eyes questioning.

“If you want to go, it's alright” He whispers to me with a soft smile. 

I'm always amazed by how perceptive and kind he is. It makes my heart swell in my chest. Even if he doesn't know what 'hatching' Eren is talking about, and even if he doesn't even know who Eren is, he can tell this is important for me. He knows I love to see the dinos hatch.

The only problem is that I don't really know if I want to see that particular dino hatch...

I still nod and despite Eren's eyes on us, I gather up the courage to give Marco a quick peck on the lips, as thanks for letting me go.  
I give Marco one last apologetic look and he waves at me as I follow a frowning Eren out.   
When the carnivore lab's door opens before me, I gulp. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm already afraid of whatever it is they concocted in there.

–--------

A sharp claw easily pierces the shell of the massive egg resting safely behind the incubator's glass panel.  
By my side, Armin and Eren are watching the birth of their creation with excited grins while Pixis is gazing upon the new hybrid with judging eyes.  
A red eye is seen next and I swear it's looking at us. The creature wets its eye with its nictitating membrane and that's the first time the natural movement of that reptilian third eyelid creeps me out.

“It's white. You didn't tell me it was white.” Pixis remarks, seeming very satisfied with the monstrous result of his mad project. 

“Yes! She's got the albino gene, I thought it would make her even more impressive.”

Pixis nods in approval and praises Eren's spirit of initiative.

I frown. I'm not liking the idea of giving a genetic defect to an animal on purpose just to make its looks more appealing. I hope that thing won't end up having skin conditions or bad eyesight; because albinos may be pretty, but it's not called a “defect” for nothing, duh.

“Do you think it'll scare the kids?” Armin asks, worried about the consequences of their zeal excess.

“The kids?” Pixis chuckles. “This will be the parents' nightmare.”

He says it like it's a good thing as we watch the hybrid completely break the egg and make its first steps.   
It stays silent, attentive to every noise and I don't like the glint in those crimson eyes. 

“How did you name it?” I ask, voice weak and trembling.

“Jäger rex” Eren answers proudly and I would laugh at him if I wasn't so disturbed by the creature before me. 

Its tail is long and spiked like all of its back and it's already really big for a baby dino. I don't dare asking how tall they designed it to be; that may probably be too much for me at once.

The small Yeager rex walks to the second egg in the incubator which is a twin created to maximise chances of having a healthy adult. It's the procedure.  
She smells it, inspects it, and I watch in horror and shock as she uses her whole body to violently slam against the other egg and it off the lab bench, sending it crashing down onto the floor, broken. 

I retch at the animal's cruelty and at the ugly sight of the half formed twin foetus smashed onto the spotless white tiles of the lab.

–--------

Turns out that thing ends up being _my_ nightmare.

After two restless nights dreaming about white skin stained with blood and red eyes, my resolve to keep this project a secret snaps and I come knocking at Marco's door at 2 in the morning.  
I've wanted to tell him about the Yeager rex for some time; even before I knew its name, and now, I crack.  
Marco is surprised to see me, but he welcomes me with open arms and a gentle smile.

I tell him about Eren, about Armin, about Pixis and how this monster they call a dinosaur killed its twin and how I'm afraid it'll kill us all next and God I'm shaking.  
Marco tries to calm me down but he doesn't seem reassured upon hearing the news of this completely fabricated specie. He tells me _'nature always finds a way'_ and we shouldn't play with her too much; shouldn't play god.   
He's so right and I'm glad he understands me. I'm glad someone finally understands how dangerous this is; how we've probably created our own death in the white and red form of more claws, more teeth, more awe, more screams.

I cry myself asleep in Marco's arms, and even the warmth and safety of his embrace isn't enough to make me forget about the sheer folly that hatched into Jurassic World's lab.


	2. Electric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahah it took me soo long to update this, I'm sorry :')
> 
> But here I am with the second chapter and it is looong too! The plot reveals itself: the Jaeger project takes an unerasable turn...
> 
> Please note that the way I describe and imagine Jean's personality in this AU is different from how I usually do; because he is in a different setting, he reacts differently and has a different background. This Jean is neurotic and psychologycally kind of unstable (and this side of his is obviously enhanced by the setting he is in). He borders on mental illness, and it is my choice, so I tend to explore it in the story.  
> I write this AU to have fun and also to try things, so some parts of this chapter, some of Jean's reactions, or the sometimes degrading way he sees himself are wanted; they may displease you and I'm sorry if they do and if they make Jean unrelatable :(. But know it is intended and I try to still be realistic.
> 
> Despite this unusual take on things, I hope you will still enjoy this new chapter! The nerd references are back and some action comes along so I thing it will be pleasant to read. :)

The Jaeger rex grows fast. I suspect Armin and Eren of dosing her with growth hormones to have her ready for the public as soon as possible.

She has already reached her adult size (20 monstrous feet high and 50 feet long) when we first put Sandy and the other teen Pachycephalosaurus in their paddock.   
My bone headed dinos create a fleeting hype, like everything new does, which only lasts during the three months of summer before they become part of the furnitures like the other herbivores.  
It was predictable and when Marco asks me if I'm upset, I shake my head. I'm satisfied with knowing that my dinosaurs are healthy.

The lab feels empty without Sandy and the others, and with no new project planned, I'm more bored than ever so I don't stay there as often as before.  
When I'm not sitting on a bench near the Pachycephalosaurus paddock to check on my newest creations, I hang by the raptor's paddock.  
Strange for someone who avoided carnivores like the plague right?

Guess my attraction for Marco surpasses my fear of predators full of teeth.

At least our relationship is going well. Better than well even, it's awesome! We came together so casually and comfortably that it almost feels like a dream. We never bicker like I did with Eren, and time flows buy too quick when we're spending it in each other's presence.  
He's perfect really; he listens to me, he soothes me and cheers me up when I'm down. I owe him so much and I wish I could return the favour.   
Because if there is only one fly in the ointment, it's that I feel like Marco knows everything about me while I don't know him that much. I mean, I know what food, movies and sports he likes and I also know about his family, his raptors, but I feel like I don't _know_ him. It's a strange feeling really.  
I like how he always puts me first, almost spoiling me, but sometimes I wish he would tell me more about how he feels and mostly about the things that bother him; his worries, his fears, so I can help him like he helps me. Because as much as he tries to make me believe he's always satisfied with his life; with his constant good mood and his dazzling smiles, I can tell there are times where he's not feeling that good. Even though, to me, he looks like an angel fallen from the heavens, he's only human after all, and he's allowed to have bad days.   
But sometimes he's really different. There are days when although he kisses me and holds me, he's almost cold, detached. It's like there is a darker part of him, hidden deep inside, that I have yet to uncover. And the more time we spend together, the less I am blinded by the lovestruck excitement of being with him, and the more curious I get about what he hides behind his smiles. But I don't want to bribe him with questions; the last thing I want is to make him uncomfortable.  
I just wish one day he will trust me enough to share his doubts with me like I do with him.

–--------

“You're sure you don't mind coming with me? I know you're not a fan of the thing...” Marco asks me for the umpteenth time as I drive one of the park's Jeeps to the very far end of Nublar Island, miles away from the park and the tourists, where the Jäger rex is kept.

“I'm sure Marco. I want to be there with you.” I'm aware I'm saying this too gravely; like we're going on an extremely dangerous mission, but we kind of are. “Besides, you know I've got nothing better to do.”

Marco wets his lips like he often does when he's not convinced, but he doesn't insist.  
I gather he's worried about me, but I can handle myself. I just have to think this is a random dinosaur we're going to see, and be professional.

A random dinosaur I don't even know what DNA they put into.

“So what do they want from you exactly?” I ask to try and distract my agitated mind. 

When Marco turns to me, his smile is weaker than usual “They said she broke the crane they use to feed her so they want me to see if we can apply the feeding method we use with the raptors to her paddock.”

I nod, but I'm not reassured. This creature seems to be unnecessarily brutal. 

“They said they took all the precautions to prevent any problem, but I think this incident was to be expected.” Marco adds, running a hand through his dark hair as he flops back onto his seat. I can tell he is slightly nervous and that doesn't appease me. “I don't know what species they mixed up to make her, but if she's as intelligent as the raptors, memorising the hours and places of feeding is a piece of cake.”

His remark is extremely relevant, and I can't believe nobody thought about that before.  
I genuinely hope they took the peculiarities of the different species the Jäger rex is made of in consideration when they designed her paddock.   
Armin and Eren are great scientists and I want to trust their judgement and aptitudes. But as always, I can't help but be afraid. 

When we're finally there, I park next to the steel fortress that is the Jäger's paddock. The armoured walls composing the fence are 3 feet thick and 30 feet high, but I still have to take a deep breath before exiting the car.  
As soon as I'm out, Marco takes my hand in his and gives me an encouraging smile despite the disapproving looks some of the workers on the building site are giving us.

The paddock's security is high-tech, just like Armin promised me. The blond greets us and guides us through the numerous corridors leading to the control bridge. No-one can enter without a password, a hand-print analysis and a badge. There are guards everywhere and in case the power shuts down, there is a hydraulic powered underground emergency backup battery. 

In the control room, monitors are on every wall; some tracing the implant on the Jäger, others checking her vitals. There are cameras and thermic captors all around the paddock too. The only questionable decision I spot is putting a thinner (but still bulletproof and armoured) glass window overlooking the paddock just above the control panel. And that glass is already chipped on one spot.   
Marco frowns when he notices it too and squeezes my sweaty palm.

“What happened over there?” He asks, pointing to the small breach on the window.

“She tried to break the glass” 

We turn to see Eren enter the room, his walk confident and determined as always. “She's very... vigorous” He adds, glancing between Marco and me, his green eyes stopping on our joined hands.

Marco raises a dark eyebrow and for a second, I wonder if he's upset. At any rate, he edges closer to me. “You don't say”

I like his subtle access of protectiveness, but I don't like the tension that settles between Eren and him. We don't need unnecessary hostility right now.

“The security staff is already working on fixing this. We're waiting for a thicker glass delivery.” Armin intervenes, trying to break the tense atmosphere. “Marco, why don't you come with me? I can show you around the facility so you can help us find a safer way to feed the Jäger”

Marco glances down at me, hesitating for a second before he nods his agreement. I reluctantly let go of his hand and as he leaves with Armin, I know from the last look he gives me that he's still worried about me.   
I give him my best reassuring smile and then I'm left alone with Eren. The bastard whistles once Marco's out.

“You got yourself a hot one there!”

Even if he's smirking, I can tell Eren's still mad at me for turning down Pixis' offer. But there's something else too. I think the addition of Marco doesn't help. We've been done for a few years now, but Eren never saw me with anyone else and even if we said we wouldn't go back together; that it was a definitive end, I think in his current mood, it was the one detail too much.

“I guess...” I trail off, not wanting to fuel the growing fire dancing behind his electric green eyes.

He frowns at my vague answer. I don't know what he wanted me to say, but I sure as hell wasn't going to inform him about the details of my relationship with Marco.   
There's a heavy silence where I stand arms crossed over my chest, obviously on the defensive, while Eren eyes me up and down, as if trying to tell what I'm thinking. I hold his green gaze when it meets mine and Eren is the one to look down first, sighing in defeat or in exhaustion, I can't really tell.

“Hope he's good to you.” He whispers before turning his back to me, not giving me time to confirm that yes Marco is and that he is even probably too good for me. “Want to see the beast? I gather you didn't get to see her now that she's finished her growth.”

I nod, trying to act cool, burying my hands in my pockets when they start shaking. There's a reason I didn't come here to see the Jäger's adult form sooner...  
But I still follow Eren up an endless row of stairs.

“In the end, what DNA did mix to have her?” I curiously ask, thinking maybe knowing what the Jaeger's made of will lessen my fear of it. I want to believe I'm only scared of what I don't know.

“I can't tell you. Pixis wants us to keep it a secret.” Eren replies, not even turning back to look at me.

“But the visitors and the sponsors will surely want to know!” I object, more because the way he refuses to answer my question makes me even more anxious than anything.

He finally turns with a scoff. “You know they don't really care about that! As long as she's spectacular, they'll buy it when we'll tell them it's a close relative of the T-rex they all adore”

I frown at his answer. I don't like that lack of transparency they have going on with this project. I gathered the Jaeger rex was part T-rex, given her name and her height, but I wonder what other species they mixed to obtain their final monstrous result. I try to worm the information out of Eren, but he stays as silent as a grave.

When we reach the top of the stairs, he guides me through a door that leads outside. The wind blows hard against my face and it's hard to breath. I try not to look down, the 30 feet height giving me vertigo. But when I still look to my feet, my eyes widen.

I didn't realize that the paddock was surmounted with a thick transparent flat glass.

I step back with a yelp, the transparency of the glass giving me the illusion I'm going to fall into the Jaeger's paddock. 

Eren laughs, slightly mocking my scared reaction and I send him my best death glare.

“Impressive right? Told you we'd make sure she wouldn't escape!”

Eren's walking on the glass like there's nothing to be afraid of, but I'm not reassured, still very cautious with my steps.

“Imagine how excited the visitors will be when they'll walk on here!” He exclaims, opening his arms as to show the vast extent of the paddock. “They'll love it!” He looks down and his eyebrows raise when he seems to spot something. He looks up to me, smirking. “And they'll love her...”

I reluctantly look down to find menacing red eyes watching me from between the large leaves of huge palm trees. The Jaeger rex is standing on its hind legs, stretching up as far as she can to try and reach the glass we're standing on with her muzzle. She's at least 10 feet too small to reach us, but her hot breath still slightly fogs the glass.

She knows we're here.

Eren's standing just above her head while I'm a bit farther away. But from where I am, I can still see her sharp teeth, so long the upper row overlaps her lower jaw, and it sends my legs shaking. Her eyes won't leave me and I'm paralysed. 

“Don't worry Jean, we're safe here.” Eren tries to reassure me, a hint of concern detectable in his voice.

I shake my head. I'm not safe here. I would be safe in my lab, in my flat, in the Jeep, in Marco's arms, anywhere but here. I shouldn't have come. I wasn't ready for this. I'll never be ready for this.  
I feel my breathing increase and cold sweat run down my back. I feel it, the panic attack creeping on me, and I want to control it. But I can't, I'm too scared of this thing, irrationally so. 

Eren walks up to me and grabs my shoulders. “Jean, look at me, are you alright?”  
I do and his green eyes are worried. But I can't stop shaking and the bruising grip he has on me doesn't help. It's becoming difficult to breathe. 

I need space. I need air. Even if I'm already outside in the open I can't breathe. 

I need to get out of here. 

Please get me out of here!

But none of my pleas come out, my throat too tight to let air, let alone words come out.   
And that's when the floor under my feet trembles. 

It isn't an hallucination caused by my panicked mind; the glass under us is literally shaking. 

Eren looks back over his shoulder and I follow his gaze. My eyes widen at what I see and if I wasn't feeling so bad, I think I would have fainted.   
The Jaeger is using its powerful hind legs to jump up and aggressively bump its head against the glass to a regular pace. The violent headbutting is creating what is like an earthquake under our feet and I watch in horror as the thick armoured glass we're standing on starts to chip like the one in the control room.  
For God's sake, how thick is this thing's skull?!

Eren turns to me, his expression grave and serious. “We need to get out of the roof”

I'm breathing so hard my head is spinning and I know Eren is right but I can't bring myself to move, my body not responding to my alarmed brain. I whimper pathetically, tears forming at the corner of my eyes when the Jaeger gives another headbutt, and that's when Eren takes my hand and drags me to the exit door. His strong pulling is enough to make my legs obey as I set into a run for the exit. 

Once we're inside again, Eren quickly shuts the door behind him while I lean back against the wall to find support, my legs trembling and unable to carry me for now. I close my eyes, trying to calm down my ragged breathing and my thundering heart, but I sob when from outside I hear the sound of the glass shattering, finally giving in under the hybrid's assaults. 

Eren's cold hands immediately cup my cheeks and in his worry, he's squeezing them too hard. “It's okay now Jean, we're safe, you're safe.” He keeps repeating it to me until it's a senseless litany, but I keep my eyes tightly shut. 

I'm not safe.

“What have you created?” I weakly whimper and I feel his grip on me loosen.

“Jean, I-”

“What is going on here?!”

My eyes snap open when I hear that voice.

Marco.

I turn my head to find him and Armin glancing up at us with worried expressions from the bottom of the stairs.   
Eren lets go of my face as Marco sprints up the stairs. “We heard an awful lot of noise coming from up here, what happened?” He asks, worriedly looking between me and Eren. But there is something else in his eyes I can't really put my finger on; I'm too shaken.

Eren looks down as I bite my lower lip and shut my eyes tight once more as to not start sobbing again. 

“She broke the glass roof didn't she?” Armin, who seemed to have climbed the stairs too, asks gravely. Always the smart one; he guessed what happened right away. He turns to Eren “I told you it wasn't a good idea to install that thing”

I open my eyes when I feel fingers carefully brush against mine. Although he's smiling, Marco still looks very worried.

While Eren argues with Armin that the glass roof was a good idea, and that the material was just too thin, Marco silently mouths a caring _'are you okay'_ to which I slowly nod, my breathing and my beating heart seeming to calm down for now. The panic isn't totally out of my system yet, ready to come back first thing if something disturbing happens again, but the noises outside have subsided and Marco and Armin's presence ease the memory of what happened outside with Eren.

“Now we'll have to clean the paddock of all that glass! I don't know how we're going to do it...” Armin groans, clicking his tongue in annoyance. “I hope the Jaeger isn't hurt...”

Marco's head snaps up, his eyes wide “Wait! You're not possibly thinking about sending people down there?!”

“Of course not” Armin reassures, waving his hand dismissively. “Not with the dinosaur still inside.” He thoughtfully rubs his chin like he often does when he's looking for an idea. “But we can't leave all that glass inside the paddock. If the Jaeger gets hurt, it's months of work and millions of dollars that will be wasted....”

“And Pixis will kill us” Eren adds, nervously chewing on his lower lip. “Or worse, fire us”

I understand Armin and Eren's concern for their creation's safety, but in my opinion, that thing asked for it and deserves a few scratches. Of course I don't voice that opinion. I don't want to upset my already tensed colleagues. 

“Guess we'll have to isolate her while we send the cleaning staff inside” Armin finally decides. “We just have to tranquilize her and put her into the armoured vehicle we use when we need to move the T-rex”

Eren nods his agreement to this idea and they both move down the stairs as if nothing serious happened up there but a tiny mishap. As if the top of their paddock didn't just get destroyed by an angry dinosaur, endangering the lives of two men. What if we didn't get up there and they sent the clients first?  
The thought sends unpleasant shivers down my spine so I try not to imagine the outcome of that scenario longer.

 

Back in the control room, Armin and Eren both busy themselves with planning the isolation of the Jaeger and Marco and I take it as our cue to leave. There's nothing more we can do to help for now (if we were of any help to begin with...).

As we go back to the car, I hope the confinement will go well and that the T-rex vehicle will resist the brutality of the hybrid.  
I snap out of my thoughts when Marco motions for me to seat on the passenger side.

“I'll drive” He simply states and I let him. I have too much on my mind and it would probably not be too safe to have me drive in this state. When I look down at them, my fingers are still shaking. Marco probably noticed.

“Pizza?” He asks after he turns the engine on.

I swear he has the cure for everything and I seriously want to hug him. So I do.   
He seems surprised by my sudden affection spree but he still wraps a securing arm around my waist. Being in the car gives us an awkward hugging angle, but having his warmth pressed against me helps me relax a little. “I want extra cheese” I mutter against his shoulder and he chuckles, giving me a sympathetically whispered “Ahn babe, whatever you want” before placing a small kiss on my temple. After a few minutes of me leeching on his appeasing warmth, he releases me so he can set the car into motion. He's so good to me. 

In the end, I get my extra cheese pizza, and even though it's delicious, and it helps a little, I'm still not feeling so well and I don't finish it.   
When I'm about to go back to my empty, work deprived lab, Marco stops me, taking my hand in his and dragging me into the opposite direction.

“What are you doing?” I blink, eyes wide with surprise.

He turns to me with a grin. “Taking us both the afternoon off”

“We can't do that! We've both got work to do!”

He raises one sceptical eyebrow, giving me an unconvinced look. “You keep telling me you've got nothing to do and you get bored in your lab” He remarks and for once, I curse at how good a listener he is.

“But what about your raptors?”

His smile widens. “They're not _my_ raptors, there's a whole bunch of other trainers and groomers to take care of them.” He turn his back to me again and continues dragging me by the hand through the crowd of visitors. “They can survive without me for an afternoon. No-one is indispensable...”

I obediently follow him, accepting his tempting offer to spend the rest of the day together. But as we head to the aquarium, I can't stop starring at his strong shoulders. They seem tensed. Maybe I'm putting too much thoughts into this, but I didn't like the way he told me no-one was indispensable. Despite his smile, he almost sounded... sad.

–--------

There's no more hint of what could have been sadness in Marco's clear and loud laugh when we're splashed by gallons of water at once.  
We're at the Mosausaurus feeding attraction, and Marco insisted that we seat in the very front row, even though I warned him about getting splashed. Given how brightly he's smiling, I gather he doesn't care as much as I do about his soaked clothes.

“This attraction is way too touristic for a science park, but I've got to admit it's still awesome!” He exclaims as we get out of the bleachers. 

I'm glad he's having fun, but I still frown at how my shirt disgustingly clings to my chest. 

“That Mosausaurus is way too big to be accurate” I complain. I don't know who recreated it, but I already hate him. “If it were real size, we wouldn't need to bring an umbrella every time he's fed”

Marco shakes his head like a wet dog would to get rid of the water soaking his dark hair, the tiny droplets splashing my face and making me grouse and grumble more. 

“Come on Jean, don't be like that, I know you liked to see that huge marine dinosaur swim” His brown eyes are almost shinning with specks of gold under the sun. “You had that glint in your eyes...”

I look down, feeling a small blush redden my cheeks. He's right, and very observant, I have to give him that. I loved to see that huge dinosaur graciously skim through the water, swimming so easily despite the few tonnes he weighted. Nature really was amazing.

“True, but I could have done without the splashing” I stubbornly reply, tugging on my grossly wet shirt to try and unglue it from my skin. But I only succeed in making it cling more with a disgusting suction noise so I quickly give up.

I turn to Marco and it's only then that I notice how his wet white shirt clings to his toned body, tracing the outlines of his muscular pecs and also obscenely showing his dark nipples. Despite being all wet, I suddenly feel very hot.  
I hear a few ladies giggle and I send them my best death glare, almost hissing at them like an angry cat when I realize they're eyeing up my Marco.  
Marco, innocent and oblivious to how hot and sexy he is right now, doesn't even notice them. He keeps his eyes and attention on me only, and it makes my heart swoon. However I still possessively join our hands to show anyone out there that this Greek god sculpture replica is with me. I've never been very good at sharing.  
Marco gives me a surprised look when I squeeze his hand tight, but it soon turns into one of those beaming smiles.

“Wanna go to the Gyrosphere next?” 

I swear my eyes literally sparkle at his offer.

–--------

It's a good thing that with our employee pass we can skip the waiting line and directly board in one of the transparent glass made Gyrospheres. I couldn't have borne to wait under the burning sun amongst the crowd of visitors. It would have been way too troublesome and I was too excited to see the herbivores to wait. Besides, I didn't do well with crowds, and the last thing I wanted was to have Marco bring me to the infirmary again because I fainted from the seclusion of being squished and pushed by a bunch of strangers.

“Enjoy the ride” The employee says when we finally get to the front and enter the sphere, his voice dull from probably using the same words thousands of times a day before sending the glass sphere gliding through the grass.   
Honestly, this technology is amazing, and I'm almost bouncing in my seat in excitement as we spot the first dinos from afar. Marco chuckles and settles on silently admiring the landscape while we slowly progress.   
Some part of me badly wants to overcome the basic tour program and instead take the commands so we could be near the dinos faster, but I refrain from doing it. The last thing I want is to stress or scare the animals away by going too fast. 

So we wait patiently and then, I spot them. 

The Apatosaurus. My favourites.

In a second, I'm pressed against the glass wall of the sphere, eyes as wide as those of a newborn discovering the world for the first time.  
Those were the first dinosaurs I created five years ago, when I was just a newbie in the Jurassic World. I chose them over Brontosaurus (which are very close relatives) because they're just as massive but mean much more to me. Indeed, you're gonna think I'm a nerd, but this is the specie of Littlefoot from 'Land before time'.

Speaking of Litllefoot, I easily spot the dinosaur I named after him; the one with the weird helmet-like birthmark on his head, and I point him out to Marco. 

“He's far from being 'Little' now” He comments with a bright smile. 

As we gradually spot the other individuals composing the pack, I give poor Marco an extremely detailed private lesson about this specie, particularly insisting on how it's different from the Brontosaurus we later see in the tour.

“Brontosaurus has long been considered a junior synonym of Apatosaurus, but an extensive study published last year concluded that Brontosaurus was a valid genus of sauropod distinct from Apatosaurus” I explain, completely engrossed in my love for these dinos. I can't help but ramble and display my vast knowledge of these creatures.  
But Marco intently listens to me, occasionally making a small witty comment. The way he smiles makes me believe he doesn't mind my fast talking, and even enjoys it. 

“Wow, I think I never learned as much about dinos in the three years working here as during one hour with you inside this weird glass ball.” He beams at me, running a hand through his hair before he turns to admire the Triceratops I named 'Cera' (Told you, Land before Time nerd). “You're amazing Jean, you know so much about those dinos that it makes me wonder if I deserve working here with them at all! Compared to you, I know nothing...”

I want to tell him we just don't have the same specialization and he probably knows a lot more than me about raptor behaviours. He's fine the way he is, honestly. But instead, I go with a lame joke.

“You know nothing Marco Bodt” I huff in my best Igritt impression.

Marco turns to me with a playful grin plastered on his face. “Did you just Game of Throne me?”

I nod, laughing slightly. I'm proud of my stupid joke and glad that he got the reference. I'm happy I found someone who enjoys my weird sense of humour as well as my extensive knowledge of extinct reptiles. I'm lucky to have him. Lucky he found me.  
I feel Marco's arm comfortably snake around my shoulder and I relax, pressing my shoulder against his. He turns to look at me and his eyes are so deep and intense that I feel my cheeks heat even before he whispers to me.

“If I'm Jon Snow, then what does that make you? My cute little Wildling boy?” He asks me, but I know he doesn't need an answer. He tenderly presses his lips against mine in a chaste kiss and I melt against him. “Cute little boy who would make any palaeontologist pale with his knowledge of cold-blooded reptiles” He kisses me again and I kiss back, playfully nibbling on his bottom lip.   
Suddenly the Triceratops aren't as interesting as they were before. 

“Actually, maybe dinos were hot-blooded, it's still debatable” I can't help but correct when I pull away. “Some scientists even have an hypothesis that they were neither ectothermic nor endothermic but had a different metabolism called mesothermic and...”

Marco chuckles at my new ramble outburst and I stop, feeling my cheeks darken.

“It's alright, you can continue.” He gives me a reassuring smile and a peck on the cheek. “I'm not mocking you Jean, I just find it adorable how passionate you are. I could even say I'm a little envious of your enthusiasm.”

I give him a small smile and I continue my explanation, informing him that the dinosaurs of the park have hot or cold blood depending on what animal's DNA (mammal or reptile or even fish or amphibian) was used to fill in the gaps of their genome.   
I'm glad Marco listens to me, I'm glad I'm not boring him, I'm glad he likes me for who I am. Marco is a gem really, and I want to treasure him.

As the tour nears its end and we move away from the dinosaurs, we both fall silent. And soon, without any giant reptiles to marvel at, the gears in my anxious mind start turning again. 

“You know Jean, Armin showed me around the paddock, and I think their security is actually top-notch” Marco casually tries to reassure me, easily guessing what I'm thinking about. Not that it was too hard, the same problem's been on my mind for months now. But I think it's probably the lip chewing that gave me away this time.

I turn to him and he develops. “The walls are thick and armoured and doubled with an electric fence so the Jaeger won't try and climb or charge it. There are also twin sets of cameras so each angle of the paddock is watched over twice” He enumerates all the installations set up and I'm surprised that with each new security addition (and also each stroke of his thumb over my hand), my anxiety slowly recedes. Seems like I really need to be over-informed to be at peace. I hate being in the dark and despite this new reassuring pieces of information, the DNA part of this story is still irking me.  
But I'm thankful for Marco's support, and I inform him of it.

“I know you don't like this project and I agree that it's risky.” He tells me. “But you know as well as I do that the park needs this funds to stay afloat” His smile is weaker than usual as he takes my hand more firmly in his “Let's not jinx it and just hope that everything will go as planned.”

In his uncertainty about this project, Marco is far more reasonable and level-headed than I am. I want to follow his example and so I promise myself that I won't _'jinx it'_ like he said. I'll try to keep my mind off it, to just wait and see what happens; what the future brings us. It'll probably be easier said than done, but I'll still give it a shot.   
Just before we exit the small glass sphere, I gladly accept another one of Marco's gentle pecks on my lips.

–--------

In the end, the cleaning of the Jaeger's paddock goes well. The tranquillizer keeps the hybrid asleep long enough, and there is no other incident. The glass roof is even replaced at the same time by three rows of a thicker glass said to be unbreakable to prevent any new incident.  
The area is scheduled to be opened to the public soon; in the beginning of the winter season, when the frequenting of the park will be at its maximum.

I want to believe everything will be fine, just like Marco suggested; that the new attraction that is the Jaeger will boost the park's incomes and that I'll be able to get new subventions for my researches on boring cows. And mostly I want to believe that nothing bad will happen; no incident, nothing unexpected.

But on the night before the fateful day of the opening, I still can't sleep, a bad feeling gnawing at me, like my instincts are trying to warn me of an upcoming catastrophe. Honestly, it's driving me crazy.  
I tighten my embrace on Marco's waist from where I'm spooning him, nuzzling against the back of his neck to try and find comfort in his familiar scent. I feel him stir under me and I start chewing on my lower lip, feeling guilty to have woken him up with my restlessness. A warm palm comes covering the hand I have resting on Marco's bare chest

“Try to get some sleep Jean” Marco groggily mutters, his thumb gently stroking the back of my hand in a soothing motion.

I let out a small agreeing groan, but when I close my eyes, I can already see the crimson colour of blood and the sharp glint of teeth even though I'm not even asleep yet. At my sobbed whimper, Marco turns around and reaches out to gently caress my cheek. 

“Jean, maybe it would be more reasonable to call in sick tomorrow, don't you think?” He whispers as he kisses my closed eyelids. “Stay in bed with me all day and go back to the park when everything has calmed down.”

I understand he wants to protect me and spare me the torture of worrying myself to death, and I appreciate that he wants to help. But his words almost anger me.   
Because he's basically telling me to run away from what I fear when I thought I decided I was done with running away. His offer is extremely tempting, and accepting it would be easy. But it would only make me feel weak. I feel like I need to be there to finally get rid of this irrational fear I have of this creation I know nothing about beside menacing red eyes, sharp teeth and ghostly white skin.

“I have to go” I whisper, opening my eyes to meet his compassionate gaze. 

He sighs through his nose and I think he accepts my decision, although, I can tell, reluctantly.  
He still gives my hand a squeeze. “I'll be there with you”

I nod as to thank him, and when I join our lips, the kiss is desperate. I'm aware I'm kissing Marco like the world is ending; like it's the last time we'll be able to be together like this. But I can't help it; even though I know it's probably him and not me that the worry and fear I'm radiating will end up killing inside. I probably rely too much on him, and when I finally fall asleep in his arms, he's still got his eyes opened.

–--------

“My offer to stay in bed all day still stands you know.”

I groggily look up to meet Marco's gentle smile as I nurse my cup of coffee closer to my chest.

He's making pancakes. 

And he's humming to himself as he flips one in the pan. So domestic I want to cry. 

He's making so much effort for me and I'm just sitting at his table, stubbornly brooding over what could happen today. I can't help it, I've always been anxious. But usually, I can control my apprehension better than this so with the anxiety comes the frustration of being so anxious for nothing. And it's a vicious circle. A vicious cycle I'm painfully aware is damn stupid. But I can't help it.

I stay silent as Marco hands me my plate. I know he tries to hide his worry but the look in his eyes betrays him.   
Maybe he's right, maybe we should just stay here. But as he repeats his offer once more, I'm starting to feel like that's what he wants more than what he thinks is best for me. And that's when I wonder; maybe Marco's afraid too? Or at least not too confident about this; and my constant anxiety probably doesn't help him.

In my damn self-absorption, I didn't even ask him how he felt about all this. Sure, we already talked about the Jaeger together, but he often tried to change the subject as to avoid stressing me too much. That I could tell for sure. However I couldn't tell what was going on inside Marco's head. I never really could, and it was starting to worry me and even irk me a little.

Honestly, Marco keeps listening to my pointless rambles for hours but I always have difficulty making him speak about himself. I appreciate that he's interested in my thoughts and me in general; I appreciate it very much, no one had ever cared for me that much. But sometimes, I wonder if it isn't a way he found to avoid talking about himself.  
I should probably talk to him about that hypothesis, but I don't feel confident enough to confront him just yet. He'll probably brush it off and change the subject again anyway, telling me it's too early for this kind of conversation.

“You're not hungry?” 

I snap out of my thoughts to look up to Marco's questioning face. He's got maple syrup on his chin and it's adorable.

“Sorry, I'm just not completely awake yet” I give him an easy excuse, choosing not to inform him of what bothers me beside the Jaeger rex. I give him a small smile and start digging in.

The pancakes are fluffy and soft. They melt in my mouth and the sweet taste gives me the energy I needed to start the day. It's the most delicious breakfast I've had since I left the family house, and I tell Marco so.  
He shrugs it off, saying if I want pancakes for breakfast more regularly I should just stay over at his more often. I'm not against this offer.  
We finish our breakfast and then, we head out.

As we board into the ferry to Jurassic World, I think about staying home with Marco one last time. But chasing the thought away. I wan to believe I'm not a scared child anymore.

Everything will be fine right?

–--------

Turns out the Jaeger rex's paddock inauguration is a disaster. But not the violent and bloody kind of disaster I expected; more of a tourist disaster.

The paddock's glass roof proudly endured the weight of hundreds of visitors, but once the first flashes of cameras and cell-phones started aggressively blinding the Jaeger, it quickly went into hiding behind the large trees, and no amount of food, whether cows or sheep or running pigs, was enough to make her come back.

The customers were disappointed and they expressed it with angry complains and menacing booing sounds. The attraction had to be closed, much to Eren and Armin's displeasure.

 

Now standing in the control room of the Jaeger's paddock, I watch both my colleagues sigh in defeat.

“Why is she so shy?!” Eren asks, frustration clear in his voice.

“She's not shy, she's wild” Armin corrects, rubbing his tired eyes with his thumb and index finger. “We should have gotten her used to flashes and crowds... All the other dinosaurs in the park are used to humans in some way.” He sighed again. “But to make her more menacing we skipped that step... It's a dumb mistake...”

It seemed Armin and Eren had envisaged every possible outcome, every conceivable dysfunction or mishap except this one. And I couldn't help but wonder if this wasn't partially my fault for pressuring them so much about the security of the facility. But maybe I'm just being egoistical, making everything revolve around myself.   
Their failure doesn't make me satisfied; it doesn't make me feel proud because I was right to warn them about this project. I'm just glad there were no serious problems that went beyond economic disaster. 

The silence falls heavy in the room and I wish I had an encouraging word for my friends. But I've never been really good at comforting people so I stay prostrated in a corner of the room, chewing on my nails when I thought I had dropped this bad habit long ago.

“Ok, for some reason the machine had no coffee left so it'll be hot chocolate for everyone. Hope you don't mind” Marco's entrance is like a ray of sunshine in a rainy day, the sugary hot drinks in his hands being the rainbow on top of it. 

He succeeds in making Eren and Armin crack a smile when I couldn't. But I'm not envious of his social skills, how could I be? They're what makes him who he is, and also what makes him able to put up with me.

I gladly accept the cup of steaming cocoa he presses into my hands, as well as the small peck he presses onto my cheek. I refrain myself from smiling though because I don't want to go all goo goo in front of Armin and Eren when they are so down. It would be disrespectful.  
More than words, Eren and Armin probably need time to get their drive back and overcome this failure, so Marco and I stay silent, only supporting them with our presence while we slowly sip our cocoa.

But soon, something catches Marco's eyes and he frowns.

“Well that's weird” He whispers, his puzzled eyes darting from the thermal cameras to the screens filming the paddock. 

“What is it?”Armin asks, slightly alarmed.

Marco points to the thermal monitoring screen. “Here you can clearly see the Jaeger is in area 4 of the paddock.” His finger travels to the empty twin tv screens filming area 4. “But she's nowhere to be seen on the cameras.”

I pale when I realize he's right. From every angle this area looks empty.

“With how big the Jaeger is it's impossible she could completely hide behind the trees...” Marco's voice lowers and I see his Adam apple exaggeratedly bob as he nervously gulps. “So where is she?” He turns to Armin, and it's the first time I spot alarm in his brown eyes.

Armin and Eren are up in a split second, rushing to the control panel to check all the monitors, their chocolate cups quickly abandoned.

“It's impossible! The tracker clearly says she's in area 4!” Eren shakes his head, trying to understand what's going on. “And she's even moving!”

“The cameras must be broken” Armin reasons and I want to believe he's right even if the camera feedback signal says it's totally operational. “We'll have to get them check-”

“Wait wait!” Eren interrupts, raising his palm up so we let him speak. “She's moving towards the fence, we should be able to see her from here”

In a massive mess of legs and arms we all move to the glass window looking down on the paddock. 

But we see nothing. 

And a dinosaur the size of the Jaeger shouldn't be hard to spot. I start feeling sick in my stomach, a bad feeling creeping back deep inside my guts.

Eren turns back to examine the screens again. “Shit”

The way he curses means nothing good.

Eren points to something on the screen and Armin gasps in horror, clasping his palm in front of his mouth with a curse of his own.  
If hearing Eren swear was bad, having Armin do it too means _really big_ trouble.

I get closer to the screens, my gaze following Eren's finger. On the ground of area 4 is a huge pile of sand and mud, almost as high as a small hill, and I'm sure it wasn't there before. It looks like someone dug a hole in the ground and-

My eyes widen and my face visibly pales. Oh no.

Just when I put together the pieces of the puzzle and its menacing signification, a loud ringing threatens to make my ears burst. I quickly put my hands over my ears to stop the growing noise, trying to chase away it's dreadful meaning.

It's the dinosaur security breach alarm.

My eyes fall on the Jaeger tracking screen and I see what I feared. The small flashing point representing the dino is moving alright. Moving outside of its paddock.

Marco doesn't need to check the screens, as a trainer, he knows and dreads the deafening shriek of the alarm more than anyone.  
It's the first time I see him lose his cool as he harshly grabs Eren's shoulders to force the brunette to face him.  
“How did it escape?” Marco's voice is grave and I've never seen him more serious.

Eren's mouth gaps open. He's too shocked to be able to form words.  
Marco shakes him, not so gently. “Tell me how come it could escape?” He insists and the way he raises his voice makes me feel faint. If he can't stay composed then how can I stay conscious?

“It-it's probably the Oryctodromeus genes” Eren finally stutters as Armin looks down, biting his lower lip.

Marco frowns and I finally understand “The what?” He asks, his grip on Eren loosening.

Eren doesn't say more but I got everything sorted out. I difficultly gulp, my throat dry and tight from fear. My hands are badly shaking when I take Marco's, coaxing him into releasing Eren.  
He looks at me questioningly, almost lost, and I try to find the words to clear his interrogations.

“Oryctodromeus is the only known dinosaur to show evidence of burrowing behaviour” That sentence is all I can manage, but it's enough. Glancing at the mount of sand and dirt, Marco quickly does the math.   
The Jaeger dug under the fence and is now on the loose. We have the tracker but how to know when it's going to resurface.

“We have to inform security of this incident” Marco is quick to regain his composure. He's more of a man of action than any of us scientists in the room are, and now that he knows what's up, he's fast to decide what to do. “We have to keep track of the Jaeger's movements with the tracker and tranquillize it as soon as it resurfaces”

Marco walks to the door of the control room and his natural leadership sets us into motion. We all follow him, clinging to his concrete plan. Although the perspective of a solution to prevent any disaster reassures me, preventing me from falling into panic, I'm still shaking. Marco notices it, of course and moves closer to me, draping a protective arm around my waist.

“If we play our cards well there will be no consequences.” He says more to me than Eren or Armin. “The Jaeger will be back in her paddock in the blink of an eye.” He even forces a small smile just for my sake and I feel my shaking slowly recede, my heavy breathing slowing down. We still have this under control.

We head down the stairs of the control room in a hurry and Armin who's quicker than Eren at recovering from the shocking events unfolding, is already dialling the number of the security brigade on his cell phone. 

“We have a carnivore loose in Area 104 of the park, I repeat, dinosaur loose travelling underground, we need an emergency capture team.” Armin's calculated, collected voice weirdly soothes my alarmed mind. Action, I need action, solutions, movement, anything to keep my mind occupied.

“We don't know when it will resurface but we are able to track i-”

The ground shakes under our feet and I almost fall down the stairs. But Marco's secure hold on me prevents me from hurting myself. However it doesn't prevent my stomach from turning when a few second later I hear screams of terror coming from behind the door we are reaching.

“Don't” I squeak as Marco grips the handle of said door. I don't stop him but I wish I had, for I'll never forget what I saw during the split second that door was left opened.  
The monstrosity that is the Jaeger rex is covered with mud and dirt, its white scales soiled by the ground it turned over. But its eyes are still glowing red with blood as it easily catches one of the mechanical engineers in charge of its paddock. The man screams for his life, begging and calling for help as his colleagues run for their lives, stealing the Jeep Marco and I used to come here to escape.  
I wish I had closed my eyes in time but I didn't, my terrified gaze reluctant witness of the engineer's death. Petrified, I watch the powerful jaws snap, cutting the poor man in half, his blood splashing all over sharp white teeth. I'm sure I've stopped breathing and as the Jaeger swallows her first prey, it's already my death I'm seeing between those teeth that can cut through flesh as easily as if it were butter. I feel faint, but I'm too shocked to loose consciousness.  
I hear Armin gasp in horror, his phone loudly crashing on the floor just as Marco violently shuts the door close.

“Shit” He curses and a second later, Eren is emptying the whole content of his stomach on the floor with an awful retching sound.   
I feel acidic bile climb up my throat, leaving a bad taste in my mouth but I don't follow Eren's example. Although I still put my hand in front of my mouth just in case. 

“Oh my god it killed someone” Eren sobs from where he's still bend over, tears filling the corner of his usually so confident green eyes.

“Come on, we can't stay here, let's go back to the control room” Marco ignores Eren's tears and I can tell he tries his best to keep his calm for all of our sakes.  
I want to be brave like him. I don't faint and I don't freeze, but I still grab the back of his shirt as an anchor to keep my sanity as I follow him back up the stairs. Armin nods, abandoning his broken phone on the floor. He takes Eren's arm and gently coaxes him into following the movement. The brunette accepts although his green eyes are still sickeningly pale and lost.

–--------

I'm hyperventilating. Marco's kneeling in front of me, his hands on my knees but it's not enough.  
Now that I'm sitting in the control room, with nowhere to flee and nothing else to do to prevent me from imagining the worst, the realization falls upon me hard. That guy outside is dead.  
He was killed by a monster created by man. Some accident happened from time to time in Jurassic World; broken arms, legs, but no one ever died!

My intuition and worries were founded. All along those last months I should have done something to prevent this disaster. I knew it would happen and I should have fought against this project with all my strength. I should have-

Two strong hands cup my cheeks and force me to meet strong brown eyes.

“Jean” Marco's voice isn't as soft as usual and I gulp around a panted breath. “You have to calm down” 

I know that but I can't. 

He squeezes my cheeks harder. “Nothing that happened is your fault and if we want to end this before there are more casualties we have to stay calm and focus on what to do”

His severe look makes me want to shrink, to disappear under the chair I'm sitting on. But I can't escape his hard gaze and I nod, finding that my breathing is returning to normal now that he kicked me out of my panicked state. He found the perfect compromise between yelling at me and pampering me, his concrete and grounding words helping me regain a bit of my lost composure.

And he was right. I wasn't the one to blame for this catastrophe.

I got up on wobbly legs, my eyes glued on Eren like a predator on his prey.

“Jean” Marco warns, spotting the menacing look in my burning eyes.

But I don't listen, anger boiling in my veins. I need to blame someone for this, I need a culprit. And most of all I need to lash my fear at someone.  
I grab Eren by the collar unmoved by his painful wince.

“You brought this upon us! With your stupid megalomania!” I spat in his face, my anger completely free of any restraint and painfully non-constructive. “You couldn't just make a real dino, no, you had to play mad scientists and create a fucking monster!” I violently shake him and from the corner of my eyes I can see Armin's distressed look. He's scared of me I can tell, but right now I don't care. 

“Jean please calm down!” The blond tries to appease me but I'm too far gone to be stopped by words only. “How does it feel Eren? To have a creature named after you cold-bloodedly murder peopl-?”

I can't finish spilling my venom on Eren as two strong arms grab me from under my arms, forcing me to release Eren and incapacitating me. I feel my back press against Marco's chest and I start violently struggling, kicking my feet and yelling. “Marco let me go!! It's his fault we're here!”

With every new accusation flowing out of my mouth I can see Eren's face drop, guilt painted on his pretty features. But instead of making me feel bad, it feels disgustingly satisfying, to make him suffer like I suffered through months of worry. I'm a terrible person.

Marco easily drags me away from my two colleagues and he sits in an available chair, bringing me with him so I awkwardly sit on his laps, still facing away from him. He easily overpowers me, forcing me to stay still with his death grip now around my chest, freeing one hand so he can claps it against my mouth to prevent me from spewing more atrocities at Eren. I angrily scream against his hand, letting out all my frustration as tears form in the corner of my eyes.

As my body gets too tired to fight back, I calm down and slowly come to the realization of what I've done, what I've said, and I start crying, anger replaced by a profound guilt. And on top of that, I can't chase away the images of that poor man getting eaten. I wish I could've done something. I feel so bad.

Gross sobs rack my weak body and Marco gently uncovers my mouth so I can breath properly. His hold on me turns from restraining to comforting, his strong arms protectively circling my heaving chest and his head coming to rest on my shoulder.  
He gently rocks me as I cry, whispering reassuring words in my ear. 

“It's okay Jean. You're in shock, just breathe, okay, focus on breathing for me yeah?”

I try to focus on my inspirations and expirations but they are too often interrupted by shaky sobs. Marco must know what it is to see blood, what it is to see death, that's why he handles the shock so well. As an ex navy he's prepared for this when I'm not. The turmoil of events I witnessed made me snap, made me crack up and turned me into a terrible and hysteric version of myself. I feel so bad about what I did and said, and even if it was a way to cope with the trauma I just lived, it doesn't excuse me and won't erase what happened.  
Eren and Armin must be suffering too, must be shocked and scared and oh so guilty. They didn't need me to remind them it was their creation that ate the poor man outside, and I had no right to do it.  
I guess they just don't deal with those foreign emotions we're forced to discover the same way I do and that's a vital element I forgot.

“I'm sorry” I whisper between sobs, tears blurring my vision and slowly running down my cheeks, progressively soaking my shirt. “I'm so sorry” I keep repeating even if it'll never be enough to make Eren and Armin forget about what I did. If I'm lucky maybe they'll forgive me, but it'll probably take time.

Like a child regretting doing something stupid I cowardly take refuge in Marco's arms. He allows me to be weak as I turn so I'm sitting on him sideways, and he doesn't complain when I bury my wet face into his chest, keeping my low apologizing whispers.

I hear Armin ask Eren if he's okay and a new pang of guilt hits me. But after long minutes of only sob broken silence, I finally stop crying like a baby and exhausted, I sink deeper into Marco's reassuring embrace.

“Alright” He sighs, running a nervous hand through his dark hair. The previous events obviously put him under strain too “It seems we are safe in here, but we still need to find out what the situation outside is, and also inform the direction of what happened here in case it's not already done.”

Armin nods, determination to correct what was his mistake too clearly readable in his eyes. Eren's nod and my own are a lot weaker but we still agree. And as much as I wish I could be out of the park as quick as possible and back home with Marco, I think occupying myself is the best way to keep my mind clear from bad thoughts and prevent another painful outburst on my part. 

Eren slowly gets up to check the tracking screen. “The Jaeger is heading south” He winces. “Towards the main park”

I let out a small whimper at how bad the situation sounds. “We need to get in contact with the headquarters” Marco calmly says and Armin nods, putting a headset on and using the control panel to call the central control room of the park. Marco gently pushes me away and I reluctantly get up so he can stand too.

I grossly wipe the tears and snot from my face with my sleeve and protectively cross my arms over my chest for reassurance as I follow Marco closer to the control panel.   
Armin puts the speaker on and for a second I'm irrationally afraid we won't be able to contact anyone. But then the call finally connects.

“Central control here what is it?”

I recognize the voice and sloppy phone answer of Sasha, one of the central techs. Before we can say anything, another voice joins hers.

“God Sash, it's the Jaeger paddock's number! There are still people there!!” A male sounds like he's pushing Sasha away from the receiver and I'm sure the voice belongs to a guy named Connie.

It feels strangely relieving to hear familiar voices in this situation.

“Jaeger paddock what's your situation? Are there any injured?” Connie hastily asks, worry clear even through the creaking line.

“Molecular Engineer Armin speaking. I'm here with two other engineers and also a trainer from the raptor area.” Armin enumerates before he continues. “We are fine but we don't know the exact situation outside....” He takes a deep breath. “We saw one employee lose his life but we think the others escaped with the Jeeps”

A strained sigh is heard from the other end of the line. “I'm sorry to break it up to you guys but all the Jeeps were destroyed by the Jaeger, this thing runs at at least 60 km/h! As fast as... as”

“As fast as a wolf, that's how we designed it” Eren whispers, sending Armin the most desperate look I've ever seen, his shoulders already sinking with the weight of multiple deaths.  
Armin covers Eren's hand with his, doing his best to be reassuring. “The Jaeger is heading south towards the park, please tell me you have a capture team ready to intervene” Armin pleaded.

“Don't worry, we have the situation under control here. We're tracking the Jaeger and our best men are on their way to tranq that beast by order of the director.” Connie replies and I can see Armin letting out the breath he was holding. “Since your area is clear now we're sending you an evacuation team via helicopter. They'll be here in a few minutes”

We barely have time to say 'thanks' before Connie hangs up. I slump down on the closest chair, letting out a relieved breath. Don't get me wrong, people died and it _is_ terrible, but what was done was done and now my only concern is that there are no more casualties and that the Jaeger is captured and back into his paddock by the end of the day. I also egoistically wish I was home as fast as possible. This time I'd take Marco's offer to take a day off, even several days off. A whole vacation. With him. Yeah that'd be nice.

Confident in the success of the Jaeger's capture operation, Eren and Armin soon start discussing a way to prevent the hybrid from digging free again.

“We'd have to change the flooring, that's for sure” Armin says first. 

“Or maybe put soil over a thick concrete base” Eren offers.

“And we'll have to cut some trees so the visitors will be able to see her properly” Armin adds.

I watch their heated conversation escalate in ideas and I can't help but feel uneasy. How could they talk so casually about future plans when their creation was still on the loose and had the blood of so many men on her teeth? Maybe it was their way to cope; to forget the mishaps that was the death of several faceless human beings... But it didn't feel right. After this incident things would never be the same in Jurassic World, I was sure of it. 

Marco clicks his tongue and when I turn to him, I am surprised to find annoyance written for the first time on his gentle freckled face. Eren and Armin turn to him too, as surprised as I am.

“Do you hear yourself talking?” He asks, incredulous. “Your dinosaur has escaped once, it tasted freedom, and worst, it tasted human blood.” Marco gets up and he isn't trying to be clever, he's genuinely baffled. “What if it likes those things. It'll surely try to escape again and to attack again.” Eren and Armin look down in sync. “You'll have to be more and more careful with this thing, to rob her of more and more liberties, until you'll eventually have her completely chained” Marco leans against a wall. “That's not a life for a living creature.” He sighs. “She's too dangerous... In my opinion it would be wiser and better for everyone to just put her down” 

Eren and Armin's eyes widen and it's like a cold wind has blown over the room. I agree with Marco on this one, even if right now probably wasn't the best time to tackle the subject. 

“I know it's your creation and it's hard to hear that I suggest you destroy months of work, but please, think about it.”

Armin bites his lower lip, but he seems to seriously consider Marco's words. As for Eren, he just seems at loss as to what to think or to feel, his thick eyebrows stuck in a deep frown but his eyes lacking any thoughts of revolt.  
I nervously drag my sleeves over my hands as a heavy silence falls over the room. I don't really know what to say or do so I just stand there like an idiot, trying not to think too much about the fact that there is still a dangerous dinosaur on the loose. 

Thankfully, my discomfort is soon dissipated by the melodious noise of a helicopter landing. “Looks like help has arrived” I breathe and although it's faint, I smile for the first time in what feels like days, and my relief spreads to all the other members of the room. I want to think that the worst is behind us.

We exit the building in silence. The fresh gushes of wind the helicopter's blades sent blowing on my face make my shirt hike up but also allow me to really breathe again, my lungs no longer clogged by anxiety.   
Because we're being rescued. Because soon I'll be home where I can go lick my mental wounds and try to forget about what happened today. 

Marco exchanges a few words with the head of the security squad that was sent to pick us up before he climbs into the helicopter, holding is hand out for me to take. I take it and he helps me in while the rest of the security staff takes care of Armin and Eren.   
I'm impressed with how at ease Marco is in this crisis situation. He's alert, focused, calm and composed, almost professionally so. It's probably the remains of his old job showing up, years of training hard to forget. Still, I can't help but feel a bit intimidated by this new side of him. I like how reliable he looks and how he takes things into his own hands, but there's something in the way his muscles are tensed, almost like he's ready for an attack to come anytime, that has me a little scared. I miss the softness of his gaze. When it falls on me now I only see worry. Worry and cold calculation.  
I really can't wait to be back home so Marco would be back to his normal self. So I can have my Marco back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danger makes Jean and Marco unwillingly discover new sides of each other; but will they be pleased with them? You will know in the next chapter of "Strong in the real way"
> 
> I can't tell you how much the feedback you give me motivates me, and I would be glad to know what you thought about this chapter; about the events, the plot, and also about Jean (even if it's not completely positive, I accept anything at least a little bit constructive, helps me improve :) )
> 
> See you next time, I don't know when but I hope soon!^^

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated and even loved so don't hesitate to tell me if you liked this work; the good points, the less good points, I like to hear about everything! ^^
> 
> My tumblr if anyone is interested is [here](http://hydrangeapartridge.tumblr.com/).


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